To battle, e-mail me. If you beat your opponent in battle, you can steal zeni, items, and/or one dragonball if you are evil. If you are neutral, you can also take these things, but you will get less. If you are good, you can only take a dragonball.
To battle, e-mail me. If you beat your opponent in battle, you can steal zeni, items, and/or one dragonball if you are evil. If you are neutral, you can also take these things, but you will get less. If you are good, you can only take a dragonball.
20) Android 13 vs. NPI Yardartians: NPI Spar
Notes:
Android 13 lost one NPI Spar. PL raised by 8. Stamina lowered by 10%.
19) Oolong vs. Tapion: Spar
Notes:
Oolong lost one Spar. PL raised by 10. Stamina lowered by 6%.
Tapion won one Spar. PL raised by 36. Stamina lowered by 9%.
18) Brolli vs. NPI Yardartians: NPI Spar
Notes:
Brolli lost one NPI Spar. PL raised by 10. Stamina lowered by 10%.
17) Tares vs. Android 17: Spar
Android 17 had challenged Tares to a spar. Now Android 17 knew he was out classed: Tares had about twice his Power Level and was a jerk to boot. And to this end 17 decided to use the only advantage he had. And no, I'm not talking about his charming personality and boyish good looks. No, I'm talking about the fact that as an Android he never tires. Thus, 17 decided he would challenge Tares to a long distance marathon. Actually, it wasn't a long distance marathon. It was four of them, back to back to back to back. Android 17 called it his Iron man relay, with you running all 4 legs of the race.
Now Tares being the friendly sporting chap that he is, he accepted without thinking of the consequences of his acceptance. Tares doesn't like to run down the street to the Quick Trip, so he was a little peeved when he found out what the spar was going to be, but with typical Saiya-jin pride he kept his mouth shut and walked up to the line.
Now let me elaborate a little bit here. 17 and Tares are on Roshi's Island right now and since flying isn't really allowed in a marathon type foot race they had to get a tad creative. You guessed it, they are going to run around Roshi's Island 291,200 times and as the only reliable person or plant on Roshi's Island, Turtle was going to keep count for both of them.
Android 17 was already there and had been waiting at the line for a few minutes. Both of them looked over at Roshi who had agreed to blow the whistle, but had refused to do anything after that saying he simply was too busy: hence the bit above about Turtle.
Now, skipping over all of the race, I mean honestly, who wants to read about 2 crazy nut jobs running around an island 290,120 times. So here it is, the fabulous photo finish: Android 17 wins. How did he win you ask, I don't know. I caught about the last 2 minutes of the race. You see, I got bored after about half a lap and went in side and watched Sword of the Berserk. The only reason I caught the end of it was my legs were getting stiff and I walked outside to stretch them out a bit. To be honest, I sort of forgot about the whole thing. Sorry about that guys. I'll try and do a bit better next time.
Notes:
Tares lost one Spar. PL raised by 7. Stamina lowered by 7%.
Android 17 won one Spar. PL raised by 73. Stamina lowered by 0%.
16) Brolli vs. NPI Yardartians: NPI Spar
Notes:
Brolli won one NPI Spar. PL raised by 31. Stamina lowered by 10%.
15) Koola vs. Slug: Spar
Slug and Koola face off yet again in an attempt to earn more PL. Although both are apparently best friends, each has good reason to be less than happy about the other. The results of last weeks spar don't seem to have helped any at all, one cheated and the other failed his attempt at cheating. Today they go for a round of real kickboxing.... in a vat of cheese, three inches deep... with only those silly Japanese sumo wrestling underwear thingies on.
They stomp at each other, glare over the slightly bubbling cheese. The cheese is warm between their toes, guards keep passerbys from trying to steal this cheese and put it on their cheeseless sandwiches. After five more minutes of this stomping and glaring, they rush at each other and begin punching, kicking, biting, nipple-twisting, nose grabbing, and generally beating the living crap out of themselves. As neither one really knows any kickboxing at all, its kind of funny to watch... are you all watching? Good... hey that guard over there isn't looking.. lemme just grab some cheese....
Oh.. would you look at that, Koola slipped! It looks like Slug has put him in a hold almost resembling a half-nelson! Well, thats it folks, the cheese is good, and Slug has won. See you next time!
Notes:
Koola lost one Spar. PL raised by 6. Stamina lowered by 6%.
Slug won one Spar. PL raised by 45. Stamina lowered by 12%.
14) Android 13 vs. NPI Yardartians: NPI Spar
Notes:
Android 13 won one Spar. PL raised by 28. Stamina lowered by 7%.
13) Oolong vs. Tapion: Spar
Following last weeks extraordinary failure, Tapion finds himself sitting outside the local Blah-Mart slurping a cherry Icee, the words of his brother Minosha ringing in his head. "Cheaters never prosper, cheaters never prosper, cheaters never prosper." Minosha had first given his older brother this solid advice following an incident with the lottery on Konack. At some point it seems Tapion ran into an alien creature with futuresight, who just happened to give him the numbers for the lottery drawing that night. However, Minosha was able to convince his older brother that cheating is wrong. Last week, Tapion decided cheating is right. Look where it got him. As least his wrist got a work out.
Anyway, around the same time, our heroic Mr. Piggy, not to be confused with a certain Muppet, is browsing the massive CD and DVD selection Blah-Mart has to offer. Name a title, chances are they have it, but only in full screen. Stocking wide screen seems to be a crime in this country. After perusing the selection, Mr. Piggy settles on some Lupin and a Frank Zappa collection. Heading to the check out, he stops by the grocery section and picks up a life-time supply of cheese. He'd grab some bacon or ham, but he doesn't feel too cannibalistic today. So with his DVD, CD, and cheese in hand, Oolong goes through the registers and heads outside.
Stepping into the sun, Oolong notices someone sitting in front of the pop machine, slurping an Icee. Turning his head to the side, Tapion notices Mr. Piggy. "Awww, not you again," Tapion whines. Oolong grins, thoughts of a nice cool Coca-cola Icee filling his head. "Yo. Don't suppose you're up to losing another bet?" Oolong asks. "Hmph, you only won cause you cheated," Tapion says. "Oh ho ho, Mr. High-horse doesn't like a cheater. Too bad he's one himself. I only cheated because you did," Oolong replies. Tapion goes back to his Icee and tries his best to ignore the pig. "Well, I can see that you at least like Icees, so here's the deal. We race back to that bar and the loser buys the winner an Icee," Oolong proposes. "I don't own a car," Tapion replies. "Nor do I, we can hitchhike," Oolong states. "No shapeshifting," Tapion rules. "Fine, then it's a bet?" Oolong replies. Tapion nods slightly.
And so the great race begins, somewhat reminiscent of the Gumball Rally, only without all the cool cars. Actually, it doesn't resemble it at all, but it's still a movie worth noting. Both quickly find their first ride, each with a redneck truck driver. Oolong, knowing the unwritten rule of the road, makes it a little further than Tapion, who gets dropped of at a Dairy Queen. It takes him about an hour to find another ride, which takes him a few miles down the road to the local McBlahs. Meanwhile, Oolong gets dropped off at the corner of Broadway and Jefferson, about a mile from the bar. Skipping along, he makes his way to the bar, thinking he's got the race in the bag. But lo and behold, a porche convertible flies by, top down, a familiar red-haired individual in the passenger seat. Screaming to a halt, Tapion jumps out a few feet in front of Oolong. The two scowl at each other and then begin to sprint all out towards the bar.
As the great race comes to its final steps, the two are neck in neck. The fact that this short pig can keep up with Tapion is rather silly, but it happens. Afterall, this is based on a cartoon, and Oolong tends to break down the barriers of reality on a regular basis. Anyway, as they get nearer and nearer to the bar, Tapion notices the sign just above the door. "Hmm, PP's Bar and Grill. Wonder who PP is," Tapion asks himself outloud. A loud rumble is heard from Oolong's innards as his age-old curse kicks in. Needless to say, Tapion wins the race. I guess Oolong should learn to change his ways.
Notes:
Oolong lost one Spar. PL raised by 7. Stamina lowered by 8%.
Tapion won one Spar. PL raised by 30. Stamina lowered by 9%.
12) Tares vs. Android 17: Battle
Continuing his search for the mythical Roshi's Staff, Tares comes across a strange something-or-other. Who knows what it is, or more specifically, who cares? I don't, not really anyway. I have to go to work here in a bit and have to write this silly excuse to gain PL. Then I get to write Oolong's spar for him because I forgot he was heading back home this weekend and thus has no internet access. Thus, this battle is probably going to resemble a smelly pile of dog poo. Oh well, such is life.
Anyway, as I said earlier, Tares is looking for Roshi's Staff. At the same time, 17 is searching for a weighted gi. Considering Roshi's Island is rather small, they run into each other on more than one occasion. Each time they do so, 17 becomes more and more convinced the easiest way to get his gi is to just steal one from one of these flesh bags. Humans, Saiya-jins, they're all just a bunch of lower life forms. So 17 decides to steal Tares'. Kinda stupid, if you ask me. But then again, I'm the one that's writing this battle and needed a plot.
So 17 goes to work trying to rip said clothing off of Tares when they meet up again. Tares isn't too keen on this idea and fights back, tearing off one of the android's arms with little to no effort. Ouchie. He then preceeds to beat 17 into whatever passes as unconsciousness for an android. Short and sweet. The end.
Notes:
Tares won one Battle. PL raised by 70. Stamina lowered by 15%.
Android 17 lost one Battle. PL raised by 6. Stamina lowered by 0%.
11) Android 13 vs. NPI Yardartians: NPI Spar
Notes:
Android 13 lost one NPI Spar. PL raised by 7. Stamina lowered by 5%.
10) Koola vs. Slug: Spar
Yay, another excuse for PL. I love people who care a lot about a statistic. Anyway, Koola and Slug meet up on Vegita. They do their standard DBZ movie villian prancing and talking. They fight with each other about some trivial matter, such as which one of them is the better penny flipper. In the end, one of them cheats, flipping a weighted penny that flips more before hitting the ground and wins, pissing the other off.
As such, the pissed off one, say oh, Koola, grabs a very big baseball bat and slams Slug upside the head. Slug responds by grabbing a nine iron from his bag of golf clubs and returns the favor. The two go back and forth hitting each other with a random assortment of sports supplies until someone decides to get serious and uses a bowling ball. Those things hurt, you know. Which one uses it? Oh, let's just flip a coin. Heads, Koola. Tails, Slug. And it is.... Heads. Don't believe me, ask Gregory. He told me what the result of the flip was.
Notes:
Koola won one Spar. PL raised by 32. Stamina lowered by 10%.
Slug lost one Spar. PL raised by 6. Stamina lowered by 8%.
9) Brolli vs. NPI Master Roshi: NPI Spar
Notes:
Brolli won one NPI Spar. PL raised by 24. Stamina lowered by 12%.
8) Oolong vs. Tapion: Spar
It all started out as a relatively boring night for Tapion. He had just finished teaching Gregory the art of lawn bowling when he headed back home to grab a bite to eat. Passing by the local tavern, he decided to grab a burger and a beer. Despite tasting like goat urine, sometimes his lack of income forced him to drink a Bud or two instead of his preferred Long Island Iced Tea. Anyway, so Tapion heads into the bar and grabs a seat at the... bar. The barkeep walks over and gets his order, then preceeds to ignore him the rest of the night. He just didn't appreciate Tapion's aloofness.
Eventually the Konack gets his food, and his goat urine. After consuming said burger and a beer or two, Tapion begins to scan the croud for the more attractive females of the human race. He's all about interbreeding, wouldn't you be? Seeing a few choice individuals, he struts his stuff over to one of them and feeds her a pathetic pick-up line he got from Gohan. The girl just laughs at him and preceeds to head out with some guy that'll probably just beat her. "Damn that Gohan. He said that would work." Tapion heads to the next on his list, and fails miserably with her too.
After failing with another four or five girls, Tapion heads back to the bar and plops down on a stool. Turning to look at the guy next to him he finds a small pig....person....thing. "What're you looking at?" Oolong snorts. "Nothing," Tapion replies, turning his attention back to his empty glass. "Where the hell is the bartender?" Tapion asks himself. Seconds later he reappears and refills Oolong's Pepsi, ignoring Tapion once more. Tapion growls and contemplates throwing something at the barkeep to get his attention. "Bad night, huh?" Oolong asks. "I saw you trying to pick up those girls, shame they didn't like your pick-up lines. I thought they were a guaranteed victory. I'll tell you what, I'll make you a bet. The first one of us that can pick up a girl wins. What do you say?" Oolong asks. "Wins what?" Tapion replies, still staring into his glass. "Hmm, well they'd get some tonight for one. But let's say the loser pays the other's tab." Oolong decides. Looking at the pig, Tapion holds back his laughter. "This pig has no chance in hell of picking up a girl," Tapions thinks. "You're on," he replies.
So the two begin their little wager, each going after the most attractive women in the building; each failing miserably. After a while they run out of attractive choices and just try to get the most drunken women to head out for the night, but neither one can seem to pick up one of them either. "This fucking blows," Tapion says, clearly inebriated beyond anthing he's ever experienced. I mean, come on, he just cursed, out loud even. Taking a peek over at the pig he finds that Oolong might be on the verge of a victory. "Damnit, the damn pig might pick up that redhead. Fuck me running. That's it, I didn't want to resort to this, but I'm not gonna lose this bet."
Tapion reaches into his back of tricks, which appeared out of no where mind you, and pulls out a blonde wig. Tying his red mohawk down, he throws the wig on. Within seconds some dumb, rather attractive blonde girl is yelling "Look, it's Legolas from the Lord of the Rings!" A few seconds later, Tapion is surrounded by girls and Oolong is pissed. "Well fuck this, if he's going to cheat, so am I," the pig guy states. With a popping sound Tom Cruise is suddenly in the room, which grabs the attention of just about every single female, and even some males, in the room. Oolong laughs out loud as he exits the building with his horde of beauties. Lowering his head in shame, Tapion pulls off his wig and pays the tab, finally getting the attention of the barkeep once he pulls out the green stuff.
Notes:
Oolong won one Spar. PL raised by 28. Stamina lowered by 9%.
Tapion lost one Spar. PL raised by 4. Stamina lowered by 5%.
7) Android 13 vs. NPI Gohan: NPI Spar
Notes:
Android 13 lost one NPI Spar. PL raised by 6. Stamina lowered by 7%.
6) Koola vs. Tares: Spar
After last weeks debacle Koola and Tares decided to spar without that annoying Slug character. They were both plenty relieved to have him gone and decided that they would spar Greco-roman style. That's right boys and girls; they'd spar in the buff. Nothing could possibly be more manly or impressive than to rub up against another man and try to push him around.
First they tried to spar inside Kame House, but Roshi quickly put a stop to that saying they were interrupting his busy schedule of napping and looking at hentai. Then they tried wrestling outside by drawing a circle in the sand, but before they ever worked up a sweat or became suitably aroused in an homo-androgynous fashion, they were interrupted by lunch who found it terribly distasteful for them to be grinding up against each other as they were.
And so they were kicked off the island and forced to swim to an outlying Island. When they arrived on this little island the quickly constructed a circle out of sticks and things and got ready to wrestle. Yes, their bare skin gleaned in the sun as they faced off against each other in this titanic struggle for supremacy at Roshi's house. Then, just as their muscles started to ripple with strain from joining in the circle they heard a blast off to their side and there was Slug wanting to know if he could join in the fun. Until, of course, he realized that his two friends were going at it sans clothes, whereupon he quickly left again.
And so, Tares and Koola were once again locked in struggle when all of a sudden Tares' tremendous Saiya-jin anger kicked in and he screamed, throwing Koola out of the circle in one prodigious display of strength. "You bastard," raged Koola. "No wonder why you are so popular at the clubs. How could you do that to me? Going out picking up all kinds of hot ass, leaving me home to wallow in my own self-pity with Slug of all people! I’m never going to talk to you again."
Notes:
Koola lost one Spar. PL raised by 6. Stamina lowered by 10%.
Tares won one Spar. PL raised by 34. Stamina lowered by 15%.
5) Android 13 vs. NPI Kuririn: NPI Spar
Notes:
Android 13 won one NPI Spar. PL raised by 19. Stamina lowered by 10%.
4) Slug vs. Koola vs. Tares: Spar
Slug, Koola, and Tares had decided to spar against each other. They had done so since time immemorial and were really getting rather tired of each other. On top of this, they were all stuck at Roshi's Island searching for their damn Weighted Gi, which was taking even longer than usual. The end result of all this is that they were really crabby and generally even more unpleasant than usual.
The spar was to begin at 5:00 pm on a Sunday, but at 5:15 none of them were anywhere to be found, and Master Roshi, who has intended to take a break from watching low impact aerobics on public access was wondering what was going on. Well, after a quick look around the house, it turned out that the three of them had been so angry with each other that they had left the house and decided to miss the spar.
This, however, didn't work out as well as they had planned as they all showed up at Duff's at about the same time. In fact, the waitress recognized them from their repeated visits and attempted to seat them all together, when all three chimed in, table for one please. And so, Slug, Koola, and Tares ended up sitting in Duff's eating their extremely tasty chicken wings and glaring at each other. Tares is sitting opposite Koola with about 3 tables intersperced between the two of them, no thought given over to Slug who is off to the side, his back to the wall giving the other two an equally dirty look.
When the time comes and their waitress brings them their respective checks, each sends his bill to another: Slug to Tares, Tares to Koola, and Koola to Slug with a note that says thanks for picking up the check, sucker. Their checks sent off to someone else each starts to get up and walk out of the restaurant, only to be brought their replacement bill. This brings about a new bought of glaring which lasts well past closing as the waitresses and bus boys just stack chairs and attempt to clean up around the three.
Finally the manager walks up to Slug, the least imposing of the three, and manages to stammer "s. s. s. sir, you're gggonna have to to to le leave nnnow." Slug and Tares manage to respond with an "I'm not payin" at about the same time leaving Koola to pay the bill. The two walk out rather smug and satisfied, their former anger with each other forgotten now that they have joined together to screw Koola over. However, this friendship quickly turns back into rivalry as they head back to Roshi's Island.
"Where the hell are you going?" asks Slug.
"Back to Roshi's," responds Tares.
"Fuck! That’s where I'm going. Why can't you just leave me alone?"
"What are you talking about Slug? You're the asshole following me. First you followed me to Duff's and now you're following me again."
"I didn't follow you then and I'm not following you now. If you remember I got to Duff's first."
"Fuck off."
"Fuck you!"
And with that, the two part ways, neither heading back to Roshi's Island.
Notes:
No battle occured. Slug, Koola, and Tares recieve a 10% stamina gain as a consolation.
3) Android 17 vs. NPI Kuririn: NPI Spar
Notes:
Android 17 lost one NPI Spar. PL raised by 4. Stamina lowered by 0%.
2) Tapion vs. Android 13: Spar
Tapion and Android 13 had decided to spar in a pathetic attempt to increase their measly power levels. This however brought about a certain problem: they were both so pathetically weak that any sort of real fight would have been nothing fun at all to watch and worse yet no fun to watch. Now how were they supposed to try and pick up chicks if their battles weren't exciting to watch?
And so, the two of them decided to have a contest of wits in secret, deep down in the bowels of the basement while Tapion's mom was at work. They had agreed that they would each choose a contest and then they would agree on a third contest. Tapion choose a game that he found online called What Would Bush Do? And it is an appropriate game for a good goody-too-shoes type such as himself. In contrast Android 13 choose a game he had heard about in some IRC chat room from a bunch of other stupid kids pretending to be adults called fun with finger screws.
Well, I'm certain you can imagine who between these two lamers would win WWBD, but fun with finger screws presented a bit of a problem for Android 13. He was really quite certain that this game was evil and thus he would win, but in his attempt to be cool and pretend that he was older he hadn't asked what fun with finger screws was. And so 13 proceeded to make something up, it was entirely unconvincing, but it doesn't really matter since pushing someone around or called someone mean is a horrible thing to do as far as Tapion is concerned, so it goes without saying that Android 13 won that game.
Now Tapion and 13 had agreed that the third contest would be something that they could both agree on. At this point in time it should be clear that Tapion and Android 13 really aren't going to be agreeing on much as far as what to play, so they eventually settle on drawing cards. Whoever draws the highest card wins. Tapion draws and manages to get a jack. Android 13, who is not at all willing to leave anything to chance, cleverly knocks the cards off the table and pockets a king while Tapion, being the gullible sap he is, doesn't notice allowing Android 13 to amazingly beat his jack.
Notes:
Tapion lost one spar. PL raised by 4. Stamina lowered by 5%.
Android 13 won one spar. PL raised by 20. Stamina lowered by 5%.
1) Slug vs. Koola vs. Tares: Spar
And so began, the battle of the century! Oh wait, no it's not. It's just another version of the same old battle that seems to take place every time the game is reset. My bad. Anyway, Slug, Tares, and Koola are slowly making their way to Master Roshi's island. Originally taking seperate paths, they challenged eachother to a mock-race situation. The first one to make it to Roshi's got something. What that something is was never decided, and probably doesn't matter anyway. Afterall, they are movie villians, and DBZ movie villians only care about one thing: looking tough until Goku kills them.
After wading through rivers, scaling tall mountains, spelunking the darkest of caves, and fighting off all sorts of nasty insects in the densest of forests, the trio miraculously meet up at a dock, the final leg of the journey to the island. Looking over the dock they notice that there is only one boat. Being evil and all, all three of them immediately think of only themselves and dart to claim the small raft as their own. However, they promptly collide with eachother and all fall on their butts. "Hey, that's mine!" Slug shouts. "Fuck off, it's mine!" Tares retorts. Koola just glares at them, his evil eye telling them it's his. "Okay, okay. Here's the deal. We fight; winner gets it," Tares states, already planning how he's going to cheat his way to victory. Slug and Koola nod and they head back to shore.
As I mentioned earlier, DBZ villians have only a single goal in their meager existance. For this trio, the same is true. However, they are going to find it very, very difficult to look all powerful. Slug gets the battle started, charging up a small energy blast and throwing it at Koola. It seems all that glaring annoyed the Namek-jin slightly. Anyway, Koola jumps out of the path of the ball and returns one at Slug, who does the same. Noticing that these two seem rather distracted, Tares takes the opportunity to use his "arsenal" of abilites to sneak past them. Unfortunately, the Saiya-jin fails to see a small root sticking out of the ground. Falling flat on his face, Tares blurs back into sight.
"What the?" Slug blurts. Koola turns his glare to Tares, attempting to blast a hole in Tares' head with pure evil....ness. Getting back to his feet, Tares dusts himself off and chuckles nervously. "Cheating bastard," Slug mumbles, charging up another energy blast. He fires it at Tares, who just stands there wide-eyed. Koola takes this opportunity to blast Slug. As the dust settles, Slug is missing a finger, and Tares is slightly winded. Koola laughs maniacally at Slug. The laughter ends moments later as the finger regrows, bringing another scowl from Koola.
Well, it seems like this is going no where fast. Shall we skip ahead a little bit? Yeah, I think we shall. There's no point in describing the unremarkable fighting skills of these warriors at this time. So.... a bunch of other silly stuff happens. No one really manages to hurt anyone else. However, Koola does accidently destroy the dock and the boat with a Death Ball. Oops. "Good going, exlax," Tares tells Koola. "How what the hell do we do?" Slug replies. Koola jumps in the water and starts swimming. Dumbfounded, Tares and Slug just stand there, a large sweat drop clinging to their foreheads.
Notes:
Slug tied Koola and Tares. PL raised by 10. Stamina lowered by 10%.
Koola tied Slug and Tares. PL raised by 10. Stamina lowered by 10%.
Tares tied Slug and Koola. PL raised by 10. Stamina lowered by 10%.