To battle, e-mail me. If you beat your opponent in battle, you can steal zeni, items, and/or one dragonball if you are evil. If you are neutral, you can also take these things, but you will get less. If you are good, you can only take a dragonball.
To battle, e-mail me. If you beat your opponent in battle, you can steal zeni, items, and/or one dragonball if you are evil. If you are neutral, you can also take these things, but you will get less. If you are good, you can only take a dragonball.
33) Kuririn vs. Tony the Tiger vs. Cap'N Crunch vs. Vegita and
Ichigo Kurosaki: Spar
Okay, we have Kuririn versus Tony versus Cap'n... and.. wait wait.. What? And we have Vegita and Ichigo as a team versus all of them? Wow, this is a mess. All right, let's see how things are going. I got here late, I missed the beginning. Looks like Tony and the Cap'n have teamed up temporarily to hold off Ichigo while Kuririn takes Vegita. Ichigo has the two 'toons outmatched individually, but together they seem to be giving him a slight bit of trouble. Ichigo's one energy move seems to keep missing, as the toons are aware he has the move now.
Seeing how much trouble he is in, again, Vegita grabs Ichigo and throws him at Kuririn, then releases an area of effect that takes the toons down for a second. He flies straight up and rains energy blasts down everywhere on the field of battle. As the dust clears, Ichigo and the toons are seen unconscious on the ground. Kuririn is nowhere to be seen. Vegita looks around, cold crawling up his spine as he continues his search.
"Vegita, Vegita, Vegita." Kuririn sighs deeply. "You can't b--" Vegita releases another explosion and waves of energy blasts, then launches forward into the ensuing cloud of dust. Kicking and punching viciously, he takes Kuririn off guard and slams him into the ground. More dust climbs into the air as more energy is expended. Finally as the dust clears, Vegita still stands, exhausted. A final breeze clears a small depression in the ground, revealing the bald monk sitting lotus-style, apparently at peace. His clothes are a bit dusty and torn, his face is swelling slightly, but otherwise he seems unharmed. "Good job Vegita. I must admit, I may have been a bit hasty when I attacked you the first time. The second time you were a bit hasty in getting your revenge, and you failed. This time... well... this time you fought admirably," He looks at the unconscious Ichigo, "Sorta." He rises to his feet and looks up at the Saiya-jin Prince. "I'll cede this one to you as a peace offering. No more unprovoked attacks, let's just practice together and see what happens. Okay?" Vegita passes out from lack of energy after shaking Kuririn's hand.
Notes:
Kuririn tied Vegita. PL raised by 635.
Tony the Tiger was defeated by Vegita. PL raised by 254.
Cap'N Crunch was defeated by Vegita. PL raised by 254.
Vegita defeated Tony the Tiger, Cap'N Crunch, and Ichigo Kurosaki, but tied Kuririn. PL raised by 2,435.
Ichigo Kurosaki was defeated by Vegita. PL raised by 267.
32) Brolli vs. NPI Yardartians: NPI Spar
Notes:
Brolli won one NPI Spar. PL raised by 14,137.
31) Majin Buu vs. Jessica Alba and Pikachu: Spar
Notes:
Majin Buu defeated Pikachu, but was defeated by Jessica Alba. PL raised by 1,100.
Jessica Alba defeated Majin Buu. PL raised by 4,673.
Pikachu was defeated by Majin Buu. PL raised by 748.
30) Koola vs. Mai Shiranui and Chun-Li: Spar
Koola and the chicks in another spar. Didn't we watch this one last week? What's up with the re-runs? Let's see if it's different this time. Koola is letting his two henchwomen team up on him, not a big problem if this was a real fight, but it's not, so let's see what they do. The two females get together, talk for a bit, then return. "Alright, we are ready." Li says, a smirk on her face. Next to her, Mai is also grinning. Koola feels a sense of deja-vu, two females are plotting against him, he knows this was a bad idea.
Mai suddenly throws her palm out towards Koola, making him freeze in his tracks. Li jumps forward and plants a solid kick somewhere on Koola's midsection. She lands and looks back over her shoulder, reaches up, and flicks some hair back... and Koola explodes. Okay, so he doesn't really explode, but an explosion emanates from him at least. That Dynamite Kick is rough. Mai is ready for the explosion this time and keeps hold of Koola. Chun-Li returns to Mai's side and the two face Koola, then jump forward to attack. Unleashing a devastating combo-attack, they quickly wear Koola down.
Worn out, Koola calls the fight, letting the females claim victory.
Notes:
Koola lost one Spar. PL raised by 306.
Mai Shiranui won one Spar with help from Chun-Li. PL raised by 3,629.
Chun-Li won one Spar with help from Mai Shiranui. PL raised by 2,571.
29) Piccolo vs. NPI Slug: NPI Spar
Notes:
Piccolo lost one NPI Spar. PL raised by 550.
28) Cell vs. Kari Byron vs. Willow Hannigan: Spar
Notes:
Cell defeated Kari Byron and Willow Hannigan. PL raised by 2,602.
Kari Byron was defeated by Cell. PL raised by 2,164.
Willow Hannigan was defeated by Cell. PL raised by 2,164.
27) Brolli vs. Britney Spears: Boss Battlev
Brolli had been waiting for this day for pretty close to two years. He'd gone through hell and back to get to this point. He'd searched for a shrubbery. He'd put up with Master Roshi and his stupidity. He'd done everything under the moon to become powerful enough to accomplish his goal of destroying Britney Spears. And now he felt he was finally in a situation where he thought he could accomplish this goal. Now was his time to pounce. Britney was sitting on a park bench with her two henchmen, going over some of her latest lyrics. Brolli was just about to charge the Starlet when he hears Britney speak.
"Are you going to come out here in the open and talk, or are you serious about going through with this fiasco." Puzzled, Brolli simply stayed where he was, hoping that the rehab reject was talking to some OTHER person hiding in the (he later saw the irony of this situation) shrubbery. "Come on, Brolli. I know you're there. You may as well come out here and tell me why you're so hell-bent on fighting me. I just don't understand it. I'm an evil bitch. You're an evil bastard. I'd think that we could get along just fine if you just tried it out."
Coming to grips with the morbid reality of the situation, Brolli stepped out of his hiding place to confront Britney and her cohorts. "Well, if you really must know, it's because you ruined my life. When I was growing up, I had a hard life. Every day was spent listening to my baby brother cry and whine and be a little cry-baby. And there was only one thing that got me through the day. And that was a daily dose of my favorite purple dinosaur in the entire world, Barney. But one day, my little brother, while fused with that Vegita turd decided to take out my childhood idol. But the worst part was when he unmasked him. I think it was sometime around the time of the third site. It was you in the costume. YOU!! My idol was some stupid little spoiled sadistic bimbo with a need for attention. I loved Barney and everything he stood for. But you!? I'm not going to accept that you were my childhood idol. And while I'm still mad at my baby brother for revealing the truth to me, I'm even more pissed that I actually believed what you were telling me while dressed in that dinosaur costume. So now I'm here to enact my revenge. So get off your fat, matronly ass and bring it bitch. Because your ass is mine."
"Wow, Brolli. I didn't think you could put together such an elaborate exposition without your brain exploding from the effort. But if you truly want to go through with this, we can. And we most certainly will. K-fed... J.A. You know what to do." It's this point that her two men stop massaging her feet *shudders* and get up to face our Saiya-jin friend. And just as the three are about to engage in some serious combat, Britney stands up on her bench and starts to yell. But Brolli stops her with a quick question. "Hey, wait a minute. How did you come back from hell anyways? I mean, Vegito did get rid of you."
Stopping to ponder this, Britney answers the question. "Context sensitivity." And she immediately continues screaming at the top of her lungs in the stereotypical DBG squatted power-up form. Noticing this pose, her henchmen in unison say, "Oh God, not again." Brolli, while somewhat confused, actually takes some initiative, contrary to typical DBG storylines and goes straight after JA Alexander and knocking him to the ground, then stepping back quickly to blast him with as much energy as he could muster into a Kamehameha wave, killing him in the process. But just as this ends, he takes a quick look around to see Britney smiling as the last of five miniature versions of her plops to the ground beneath her and begin circling Brolli while K-Fed can be seen hanging his head as he throws away five dirty diapers before joining the five Britney Jr's in their circle of death. "That's right, Brolli. Not only have I come back with all the knowledge I gained as Barney. But I've learned a few new things as well. Say hello to my Britney Jr's. Girls... Kick his ass!"
It's at this point that these five bluish ugly, slime-covered versions of our sadistic Pop star jump Brolli while K-fed takes a second to make out with Britney before joining the fray. At this point, imagine one of those silly little white fight-clouds you see on Loony Toons and other random cartoon shows. That's pretty much what happens for ten minutes of this six-on-one fighting until Britney yells "NOW" and shoots a beam out of her hand which hits an infuriated Brolli in the chest, turning him into a piece of chocolate.
Grinning, Britney approaches the chocolate Brolli and picks him up. "Well, it doesn't look like today's your day, monkey-man. Normally, I'd just eat you whole right now. But unfortunately for you, since getting out of rehab, I'm not allowed to each chocolate. So I'm just going to blow your ass away." And with that she tosses the piece of chocolate into the air and both she and K-fed shoot Brolli mid-air with a Saikou Waza (beam from the mouth that Nappa uses) instantly incinerating Brolli and sending him into the next dimension.
Notes:
Brolli defeated JA Alexander, but was defeated by Britney Spears and K-Fed. PL raised by 19,073. He was sent to the Next Dimension.
Britney Spears defeated Brolli with help from K-Fed. PL raised by 19,233.
K-Fed defeated Brolli with help from Britney Spears. PL raised by 19,233.
JA Alexander was defeated by Brolli. PL raised by 1,500. He was sent to the Next Dimension.
26) Tenshinhan vs. Cell: Spar
Tien and Cell, at it again... although seeing as how these two have not yet fought each other in particular, it's not really 'again.' Anyhow, they wanna spar, probably in some non-conventional way as per the norm around here. Let's have a look.
Oh dear. They found an old Monopoly board in the closet and are setting up. Do we really want to watch this? Its a fun game but it takes forever! Let's skip ahead to the end.
Allright, well, I see hotels and houses everywhere... literally... looks like something happend. Tien and Cell are screaming and yelling at each other, lots of 'cheater' and other name-calling. We appear to have missed something... Ah screw it, let's just see how it all turns out.
Tien attacks Cell with some energy blasts, easily dodged. Cell retorts with one of those really long-named moves, and tien has trouble getting out of the way. Cell is sooo fast and powerful! He's twice as strong as Tien! Well, now Tien is running away as Cell tries to kick him a few times. An some more energy blasts from both sides... and some more. How is Roshi's house still standing? Oh! Ow! Cell got a good hit it, Tien is down! Tien is down! This fight is over ladies and gentlemen, Cell has won!
Notes:
Tenshinhan lost one Spar. PL raised by 1,302.
Cell won one Spar. PL raised by 3,401.
25) Kuririn, Tony the Tiger, and Cap'N Crunch vs. Vegita and Ichigo Kurosaki: Spar
"What the hell is this crap?" Vegita asks his father, holding a small object in his hand. Vegita Ou, that's King Vegita to the rest of you, furrows an eyebrow in confusion. "What do you mean, crap, boy? That there's the family heirloom. It was given to me by my father, and to him by his, and so on and so forth. And now I pass it on to your ungrateful ass." Vegita holds the small silver ring up over his head, which is a movement he's seen countless people acquire while looking at jewelry. Apparently it's supposed to make the object more attractive, or something. Vegita just can't help but notice how rather, well, not-so-hetero this particular piece of silver is, what with it's little red spade-shaped stone set in the center.
"Well, what the fuck am I supposed to do with this thing? Give it to Buruma? Cause I sure as hell ain't putting this on my finger. I'm a Saiya-jin prince, not prince of the seamen." Vegita Ou shakes his head slowly, then scratches his beard with his hand. "Frankly, I don't give a damn." Ichigo Kurosaki walks into the room around this time and interrupts their mindboggling conversation with a loud "Ahem." Vegita turns his attention to his henchman then turns back to his father. "Apparently my subject needs me. We'll talk more about this ring-thing later." Vegita exits the room with Ichigo in tow.
"Good timing," Vegita tells him as he walks onward. "Uh, thanks. But I really wasn't trying to interrupt your conversion, or anything. I just got notice that some Humans have landed on our homeworld and wish to have an audience with you." Vegita pauses in his tracks, then turns to Ichigo. "Who is it?" he asks. "Uh, I believe his name is Kulilin, or something like that," Ichigo replies. "Oh God, not him. Anyone but that idiot," Vegita states, obviously having showing he's had some history with this particular bald person. "I take it you've met them before?" Ichigo asks. "Them? I thought you said it was Kuririn?" Vegita retorts. "Oh, yeah, him and two others. I think one's a pirate or something. The other's a cat." Vegita looks rather boggled at the descriptions of the other two, then continues walking. "I don't recognize the other two, but I've got to get back on that bald jackass for what he did to me a little while back. Let them in and show them to the coliseum."
Ichigo bows and heads off as Vegita makes his way to that particular part of the royal palace. A few minutes later the Saiya-jin henchman reappears with the three newcomers in tow. A few nasty words are then exchanged by Kuririn and Vegita, mostly in reference to battle #1, but the shit hits the fan when Vegita suddenly lets out a massive area explosion, spreading his arms and legs out. Both Tony and the Cap'N are caught in the blast, flying back into the walls of the coliseum. Taking this as his cue to take action, Ichigo points a single finger at Cap'N Crunch and fires off a Yubisakikara no Shyougeki Ha blast, catching the poor "pirate" off guard as he was climbing back to his feet. He then switches targets to Tony and repeats, knocking both of them out instantly. However, as he turns back to Kuririn, he finds the Human unaffected by Vegita's surprised assault and well, already lauching an energy blast at Ichigo. Mimicing the other henchmen, Ichigo falls unconscious in a shower of smoke, dust, and debris.
After easily dispatching the Saiya-jin, Kuririn turns back to Vegita. "What the hell is this, Vegita? I came here unarmed and in peace, and you attack me? I'm not afraid of you anymore, you know?" Vegita growls slightly, then forms a smirk. "Oh yeah? Then try this on for size!" Vegita jumps into the air and begins launching countless energy blasts at Kuririn, hoping to catch him off guard. However, after about two seconds he sees a disc of ki energy soar out of the cloud of dust and hit the ceiling above him, causing a collapse. As the dust settles around Kuririn, he finds Vegita buried under a ton of rubble, still alive, but very unconscious.
Notes:
Kuririn defeated Vegita and Ichigo Kurosaki. PL raised by 1,116.
Tony the Tiger was defeated by Ichigo Kurosaki. PL raised by 49.
Cap'N Crunch was defeated by Ichigo Kurosaki. PL raised by 49.
Vegita was defeated by Kuririn. PL raised by 453. He received a Red Ring.
Ichigo Kurosaki defeated Tony the Tiger and Cap'N Crunch, but was defeated by Kuririn. PL raised by 920.
24) Majin Buu vs. Jessica Alba: Spar
"That was so funny, Buu! The look on Shakira's face was completely priceless. I don't care if I DID get knocked out. I laughed my ass off!" Smiling, Buu was pounding his chest in a show of his manliness, still enjoying the success of that particular spar. "But I have to tell you, I don't understand why we're here? I mean, why couldn't we have just stayed at Roshi's Island? Things were so much more interesting there." And at this, Buu points to a general schematic of an android hanging on the wall, then at Jessica. "I know. You want another henchperson. But I just thought I was enough for you all by myself." Sighing, Buu continued looking around for an android.
After about another hour of randomly searching, Jessica was getting sadistically bored. So she does what most girls of stardom do in similar situations... She wreaks havoc... By using Buu as a weapon. She grabs him by the forelock and sends him flying through the wall to her left. After the initial shock, Buu realizes what's going on and decides to partake in the distraction. So he comes back and sends Jessica through a couple walls. This goes on for about fifteen minutes before they stop for a breather. And while this is happening, Jessica points out a place in one of the computer panes where there appears to be a short. "Hey, what's with that electricity over there? There appears to be a short. Buu, go check it out." And just as he gets within a couple inches of it, Jessica pushes him into the shorting circuit, electrocuting Buu something awful. And not being prepared for it, he eventually goes unconscious.
Eventually he wakes up and looks next to Jessica to see a small yellow android sitting next to Jessica who explains, "Isn't he cute? He's really friendly and lovable. But I think there's something wrong with him. I think he has a couple of fried circuits because if you're not careful, he'll jolt you with some electricity, and his vocabulary circuits only let him say two words..." And in question, Buu looks at the android who waves, saying, "Pika Pika. Pika Choo!" at which point a small jolt of electricity surges through Buu, knocking him over. He then sticks his fist in the air with a thumbs up. "Yay!" says Jessica. "We can keep you!!!!" "PIKA PIKA!!!!!"
Notes:
Majin Buu lost one Spar. PL raised by 465.
Jessica Alba won one Spar. PL raised by 4,499.
23) Koola vs. Mai Shiranui and Chun-Li: Spar
And now for some more over-powered sparring! Koola versus his two pretty ladyfolk. Why do spars have to have winners? Well.. I guess they are sort of a fight.. but sometimes you just wanna spar for a nice relaxing time, you know relieve some stress, get the kinks out, kick a buddies face in.. you know. Oh well, who cares, let's get this fight going!
Koola is letting his two henchwomen team up on him, not a big problem if this was a real fight, but it's not, so lets see what they do. The two females get together, talk for a bit, then return. "Alright, we are ready." Mai says, a smirk on her face. Chun-Li is next to her, also grinning. koola feels a sense of forboding now, two females are plotting against him, he should have known this was a bad idea.
Mai suddenly throws her palm out towards Koola, making him freeze in his tracks. Li jumps forward and plants a solid kick somewhere on Koola's midsection. She lands and looks back over her shoulder, reaches up, and flicks some hair back... and Koola explodes. Okay, so he doesnt really explode, but an explosion emanates from him at least. That Dynamite Kick is rough. Mai gets slightly distracted by the explosion because it obscures her view of Koola, who breaks from her hold, appears behind her, and shoves her towards Li.
Reacting quickly, the two balance each other, turn and face Koola, then jump forward to attack. Koola also moves forward ready to end this quickly. All three of them collide, a few energy blasts go off from Koola, and explosion goes off, probably from Li, and smoke obscures the view again. When it all clears, the three combatants are all lying dazed on the ground. Don't ask me how it is that Koola was dazed by all that, he should be tougher, but he is, so there. A tie! A glorious tie! Another spar over, yay! We'll let them recover on their own, they don't need any more help from anyone.
Notes:
Koola tied Mai Shiranui and Chun-Li. PL raised by 423.
Mai Shiranui tied Koola. PL raised by 1,736.
Chun-Li tied Koola. PL raised by 1,134.
22) Kari Byron and Willow Hannigan vs. Shakira: Spar
"Abeo!" Willow exclaims, dropping a pinch of colored sand from her fingers. Kari's white t-shirt suddenly changes to a white and green halter top, rather stunning the mythbuster. "See, I told you it's possible. Not everything falls into the realm of science," Willow states, obviously proud of her magical accomplishment. "But, but, but," Kari replies, unable to wrap her brain around the supernatural event. "Just give it up, Kari, before you hurt your big old, sexy brain," Willow states witha grin of questionable sexuality. Quickly finding some way to change the subject, Kari notices the newest arrival of Roshi's Island tanning on the other side of the beach.
"Hey, there's the new girl. What's her name again?" Kari asks, pointing to her. "Shakira. I heard she's some sort of latin pop sensation. She seems pretty posh, but rather stuck up. And she's got a thing for bald mutants. You seen her boyfriend? Guy has three eyes; creepy." Kari turns to Willow. "You can actually cast real magic spells and you think a guy with three eyes is creepy?" Willow nods slightly. "Yeah, it seems to follow you where ever you go. Like the Mona Lisa. Or some sort of stalker." Kari shakes her head slowly, then walks towards Shakira. "I'm gonna go say hi." Willow chases after her.
Well the three hit it off rather quickly and later find themselves back on the mainland at the mall shopping for bikinis. Luckily for Shakira, that Jessica and her pink friend aren't around this time to screw with her mind. Just these two red-head girls who seem to be a tad on the nerdy side. After spending a few hours roaming the mall and racking up nice credit card bills that Tenshinhan and Cell will eventually have to pay off, the three women find themselves in a sports bar-like establishment for dinner.
"So, I guess it's back to Roshi's after this, huh?" Shakira asks. "Yeah, it's getting rather late and I'm sure Cell's probably worried we're out with Brolli again. I don't know why, but Cell hates his guts. With passion," Kari replies. "Hey guys, I got an idea," Willow states, returning to the table after venturing to the bar. She slams an entire bottle of rum onto the table along with three shot glasses. "Ever played quarters?" she asks with a coy grin. "Oh God," Kari replies, chuckling to herself. "You're becoming quite the alcoholic Willow."
Anyway, the matches begin with one girl challenging one of the others and the winner getting to choose who to challenge next. I'm not quite sure how a three-way game of quarters would work, but in the end Shakira manages to stay conscious long enough to see Kari pass out, while Willow seems rather uneffected by the alcohol intake and eventually overwhelms Shakira's liver. Blame it on the magic if you want. Magic. It's a gathering.
Notes:
Kari Byron was defeated by Shakira. PL raised by 212.
Willow Hannigan defeated Shakira. PL raised by 1,058.
Shakira defeated Kari Byron, but was defeated by Willow Hannigan. PL raised by 890.
21) Koola and Mai Shiranui vs. Kuririn, Tony the Tiger, and Cap'N Crunch: Sneak Battle
Kuririn was eyeing his two new henchmen menacingly. (Is that right? I always thought Kuririn was anything BUT menacing.. oh well. What do I know, right?) There, before him was Tony the Tiger and Captain Crunch, two of the most beloved children's breakfast cereal icons. Each was looking at Kuririn, neither really wanting to go through with this test of testicular fortitude. But Kuririn, who had been getting tired of being the stupid comedy relief in the DBZ world was finally glad to have somebody he could actually beat up from time to time, so he was going to take full advantage of it. And all was going according to plan... The match of Rock-Paper-Scissors would soon commence, with Kuririn being the winner... Unfortunately off in the Earthly Savannah krept Koolah and some random woman with monstrous boobs... And she's not bad... She's just drawn that way.
But suddenly, like a Lion in the... well... savannah, out jumps Koolah and random Japanese Boob woman... who for the rest of this battle will be referred to as 'Bob' just because it's a lot easier to type than anything else I can come up with. Bite my butt, it's my battle, and I'll write it how I want to! So back to the shenanigans that are the battle. Koolah and Bob had a nice plan. Bob would go after Tony the Tiger... In the savannah... so I guess that means normally the tiger would be at a disadvantage, because normally they live in the Jungle, right? Right. Now geological lessons aside, we'll get back to the battle. Oh yeah... that's right... well normally the tiger would have a disadvantage. But also there's that whole power level thing. But like I said, NORMALLY, that would the case, but upon coming out of the savannah, Bob was surprised to find another cereal character with which she was going to have to deal. This wasn't in the plan... which like I alluded to earlier involved Bob attacking the tiger, and Koolah going after Kuririn. So for the time being, I'm going to focus on the henchpersons fighting.
Bob pauses just long enough to gain the attention of Tony and the Captain. And in typical human nature fashion, anytime a man is faced with a woman wearing what Bob just happens to be wearing, the Captain is immediately stunned into paralysis. Tony, however, having been neutered due to his lawyer missing some fine print in the contract with Kellogg's (the lawyer has since been fired and neutered), was immune to these effects and didn't waste any time and immediately jumped Bob. The scuffle which ensued had to be censored due to the graphic nature of the tiny outfit that Bob was wearing, the complete nakedness of Tony the Tiger, and Captain Crunch losing his Crunch berries in the corner somewhere. But rest assured that Bob ended up kicking Tony's ass, and asked about it later, Tony said that the experience was still “GrrrrrrrRRREAT!”
Back to Koolah and Kuririn. Kuririn didn't really see it coming. You know how it is... Lion in the savannah, remember? But for the sake of fun, let's just try and write something interesting. Picture a gazelle being pounced upon by a lion... in the savannah. And the gazelle and the lion roll around about shooting each other with random energy blasts that take out much of the surrounding scenery. Coincidentally, one of the lion's stray energy blasts happens to take out a small man dressed in a blue sea man's uniform with a big C on his hat while he was just sitting down to enjoy some Tasty Wheat. But it makes you wonder. What does Tasty Wheat really taste like? What Tasty Wheat tasted like to you might be Tuna Fish to me. Who really knows? But anyways... Back to the battle. Eventually, the lion takes out the gazelle and Kuririn lies there on the ground, having been beaten up by the Cereal Killer, Koolah. But lucky for him, Koolah's stray energy blast only killed the cereal, not actually the Captain. But the Captain is still unconscious.
So having left everybody on the field of battle severely beaten and unconscious, Koolah and Bob leave to grab a tasty martini and discuss the difference between Good and Evil, when a figure steps out of a tree line, and slowly walks over to the scene of devastation, muttering to himself about how unfriendly kitties are in this part of the world. Stepping up to Kuririn's unconscious body, he states, "Well, look here. This fellow looks awful nice. But he's going to catch a sunburn out here with no hat. Good thing I have these promotional hats. I gotta get people to re-elect me emperor in 2008 after all." So the man takes out of his pack a large white, conical (not a typo) hat with the picture of what he thought was his political party's mascot. But getting it wrong, he put the picture of a donkey on it instead of an elephant. And after attempting to place it on Kuririn's head four or five times, and watching it fall off each time, he reached into his pack again, pulled out a stapler and proceeded to staple the hat to Kuririn's head. "well now that will work just fine. Not only will he have the promotional memorabilia, but now he can't take it off. So now everybody will vote for me. I wonder what a vote actually is. And I wonder if I can get that guy from Florida to help me out again. He was a nice guy. But I don't know why he kept calling me 'Bro.' He must be a surfer or something." And as the rambling man continued his walking ramblings, behind him strolled a man with a sawed-off shotgun who after passing Kuririn's jumbled form simply states, "Now THAT'S an Ass-hat."
Notes:
Koola defeated Kuririn and Cap'N Crunch. PL raised by 3,804.
Mai Shiranui defeated Tony the Tiger. PL raised by 375.
Kuririn was defeated by Koola. PL raised by 586.
Tony the Tiger was defeated by Mai Shiranui. PL raised by 63.
Can'N Crunch was defeated by Koola. PL raised by 58.
20) Majin Buu vs. Jessica Alba: Spar
And yet again we find ourselves watching a spar between two opponents with vastly disparate powers and skills. Majin Buu, the evil pink alien and Jessica Alba, our very favorite Dark Angel. So anyway, these two are wasting time in Dr. Gero's Lab, doing stuff, probably avoiding that greasy spot that was once Trunks. They have nothing else to do and plenty of time, so they are gonna spar. This is a usual occurrence and will probably happen again next week. Yay.
Oh, Hi! I'm back again! Didja miss me? Let's see what's going down. Buu and Shakira face off... er.. yea, we'll call it facing off. Buu is making faces and the Lovely Miss Alba is trying not to laugh. So whats this spar going to consist of? More nonsense? Finally, Jessica bursts out laughing. Buu hits a button on his stopwatch and shows it to his henchwoman. "Forty-five seconds. Beat that!" he says. Then he hands over the stopwatch and sits back, stony-faced. "Hey! No fair! You can't morph your face when it's my turn!" She pouts. Buu's face returns to its normal pink scowl.
Miss Alba begins making faces at Buu, to little effect. After twenty seconds and no noticeable reaction, she gets desperate. Thinking fast, she grabs her tank-top and yanks it upwards. Buu's jaw hits the ground and a strange colored liquid begins to ooze from his nose. "HA!" Jessica stops the watch and looks at it, "Twenty-eight seconds, I win!!" She puts her shirt back down and dances around happily. Buu's scowl deepens as he regains his composure. "Best two out of three." he demands. "No! I won fair and square. Face it." she snickers.
Huh.. well.. there you have it gentlemen. Miss Alba wins the face-off. Thus bringing an end to this duel.
Notes:
Majin Buu lost one Spar. PL raised by 251.
Jessica Alba won one Spar. PL raised by 4,272.
19) Brolli vs. Cell: Sneak Battle
Boom Shakalaka! Need I say more? I'm pretty sure even Mr. Adolf could figure out the result of this fight. Brolli has the PL advantage, speed advantage, and sneak attack status. So, uh, yeah. Anyway, I guess I sould write something though, if I can manage to draw my attention away from Naruto. These stupid Bratz commercials do the trick nicely. Back to the show, I'll rejoin you during the next commercial break.
Okay, now where was I? Oh yeah, mindless rambling. God I need to get a life. Anyway, let's see. I still need to set the scene, right? S'alright. Last we left them, Brolli and Cell were on the wrong side of Roshi's fists. Since then, they've recovered and even finished learning some of his prized techniques. The old goat was dumb enough to finish their training, knowing that somehow he'd end up cleaning up another of their messes. Ooo, back to the show. Brb.
As I was saying, Brolli and his thirteenth cousin, thrice removed have recovered from their mutual beating. Naturally, due to the circumstances surrounding last week's cluster fuck, Cell has been keeping a close eye on the Saiya-jin. Should the idiot get it through his head to go after his henchwomen again, Cell wants to be within arms reach. That way he could just beat the crap out of him right then and there. However, for some reason, Brolli didn't go anywhere near the two hotties, which didn't make any sense to Gero's creation. Confusing the "idiotic robot" was all part of Brolli's plan, though. He knew Cell was watching him like a hawk and he planned to eventually use that against him.
The week quickly passed without incident and Cell gradually began to relax his guard. An on the following Sunday night, namely today, as Brolli slips into the bathroom to take care of business, Cell retreats to the living room. However, Brolli has no intention of bathing or doing anything else in that particular part of the house. Instead, he props the window open and slips outside without a sound.
After a few minutes without any noise from the lavatory, Cell begins to grow suspicious. Climbing off the couch, he walks over to the door and rests an ear on it, listening for any sounds inside. Hearing absolutely zilch, he decides to kick the door in, making sure to cover his eyes to avoid seeing Brolli's junk. Expecting to hear Brolli shout some sort of curse words in shock, Cell finds himself greeted only by silence and a cool breeze from an open window.
"Oooooh, shit," Cell states. His eyes pop wide open as the front door suddenly flies open and he hears the tale-tell Zanzouken blurring sound. He attempts to turn around, but finds Brolli at his back before he can even turn his head. His spine suddenly explodes with pain as the Saiya-jin's knee makes contact with his back, sending the poor guy through the window and out onto the beach. About this time, Brolli and Cell both come to the conclusion that they need to pick up a few new attacks. With the same things happening week after week, it's getting rather dull.
Anyway, as Cell rolls to a stop in the sand, Brolli tosses a single energy blast at the overhead light, casting the whole room into darkness. He then steps back into the darkness and cups his hands at his side, gathering Ki. He silently begins the Kamehameha chant, the final part of his trap. Climbing back to his feet, Cell curses a few times and charges towards the hole in the wall. As he gets near, he blurs out of sight, hoping to catch Brolli off guard with his new ability. However, as Cell reappears in the room, Brolli shouts "Ha!" and pulls his hands forward, releasing a massive wave of energy directly into the side of Cell's torso. A massive cloud of dust and debris explodes from the Kame House, shattering every window and knocking every door off its hinges. Cell's unconscious body can then be seen flying out of a newly formed hole in an untouched part of house, sailing out into the ocean. Brolli chuckles to himself, deciding to go check in on those two hotties.
Notes:
Brolli won Sneak Battle. PL raised by 13,472.
Cell lost one Sneak Battle. PL raised by 1,985.
18) Kari Byron vs. Willow Hannigan: Spar
"Hey, Kari." Comments Willow from in front of her mirror. "How do you like my outfit? Do you think it makes me look sexy?" Now any man would immediately say yes, but Kari was otherwise occupied. "Quite, Willow. I'm trying to get things prepared for tonight." "Why, Kari? What's happening tonight?" And rolling her eyes, Kari responds, "The same thing we do every Sunday night. Try to disprove the myths and perceptions of others through science and technology." And to this, Willow continues. "Oh, right. I forgot. So the dress... Sexy?"
Ignoring the seducing mage/geek, Kari continues her explanation. "Today I want to prove the Paris Hilton is ACTUALLY just a Giant Crab in disguise. I have the experiment set up over here. I have a DNA sample of Paris in the bullet-proof box over there to keep us safe, and the experiment is all set up. All I need is the DNA from a Crab so I can prove my theory to be correct. Then faced with the truth, Paris will have to relinquish her title as Head Whore and Socialite, then all the world will be free of her lies and bad porno flicks!"
Luckily for them, they were on Roshi's island, so finding a crab specimen shouldn't be too hard. They just needed a way to actually capture one. Looking around, Kari pondered, "Are you pondering what I'm pondering, Willow?" "I think so, Kari. But how am I going to be able to reciprocate when my arms and legs are all tied to the bedposts?"
... ... ... Yeah, I'm with you all at this point, so I'll give you all a moment to compose yourselves. In fact, Kari needed a minute as well before saying, "No, Willow. I meant we could go over to that pile of rocks and use one of them to hit a crab over the head, knocking it out so that we can get a sample of its DNA to use for our test." "Oh, right, Kari. NARF! You know, at band camp we learned how to use rocks for just about everything." And just at that point she swung her rock around and accidentally chucked it at Kari, knocking her our cold. Kari then woke up a couple hours later back in Roshi's bed. "What happened?" she asked. "Well, you see there was this rock, and a band geek, and good times were had by all. But other than that, I’m at a loss myself." Groaning, Kari rolled out of bed, noting that Willow hand changed and said, "Well I better get started on my plans for next Sunday night." "Why, Kari? What are we going to do next Sunday night?" "The same thing we do every Sunday night. Try to disprove the myths and perceptions of others through science and technology." At this point, three things that somewhat vaguely resemble dogs jump into view, singing, "They're dorky, they're Lesbo and the Straight Straight Straight Straight Straight."
Notes:
Kari Byron lost one Spar. PL raised by 84.
Willow Hannigan won one Spar. PL raised by 774.
17) Tenshinhan vs. Shakira: Spar
Roshi's Island, a small spit of sand in the middle of the ocean, with a house on it. Warriors come from near and far to train here and learn, and get a good tan while they are at it. Like many of them, Tenshinhan and Shakira have arrived for reasons known only to themselves, but easily guessed. A spar seems a good way to start everything, or at least relieve the boredom brought on by Roshi's training regime. A bright sunny day, for the moment, sees them on the beach preparing to decide in what way they shall decide the winner of this weekend's spar.
"Chess?" Tien asks. "No." Replies Shakira, as she rubs suntan oil into her shoulders. "Checkers?" "No." "Monopoly?" "No board games." Tien stops and thinks for a bit. "Good old fashioned fisticuffs?" "And ruin my hairdo!?" Shakira sounds positively shocked. "Well what then?" Exasperated and out of ideas, Tien grabs the sunblock. "Oh, I don't care I just want to start on my tan. Flip a coin or something." "A coin? What, just like that? Flip a coin and see who wins?" "Yea," she shrugs, "I don't see why not." Now Tien, a battle-hardened warrior, looks shocked. "But... but... this is a spar! We have to actually DO something!" Shakira sighs deeply, "Fine! Sheesh. Let's build a sandcastle then." "Alright, that will work."
The two get into the sand and begin digging. I shall forgo details of the two piles of sand, but lets just say igloo is more the style that seems prevalent. After a few hours of digging and scooping, sculpting and cursing, the two complete their respective castles. "Alright," Tien says, "How do we decide who won?" Shakira thinks this over for a minute. "Flip a coin?" She hazards. Tien looks at her in.. well.. I suppose its a mixture of shock, disgust, exasperation, anger, and many other things. After a second he throws his arms into the air and turns away. "Fine! Whatever! I'll flip it, you call." He finds a sand-dollar nearby and gets ready to toss it in the air. "Bottoms up!" Shakira calls as he lobs it high. They watch it arc through the air, flipping slowly. It lands, top-up. "Ah well, you win." Shakira says as she lays face-down on a beach-chair. Tien shakes his head and walks out into the water to swim.
Notes:
Tenshinhan won one Spar. PL raised by 612.
Shakira lost one Spar. PL raised by 423.
16) Kuririn vs. Koola and Mai Shiranui: Sneak Battle
Our scene opens, another fine day for sparring, and that is just what Koola and Mai Shiranui are doing. If you look just over there, you'll see them going at it with fists and... and... dice!? Hold on just a minute here. I thought they were supposed to be sparring!
The dice clatter onto the card-table again. Koola looks at them and removes one. "Alright! I got a 17! I'm going to put that one in Dex!" Mai looks over at Koola's sheet. "I got an 18, and I'm going to use it for strength. Is that all your stats? I'm almost done with skills and feats." She flips back a page and consults her Player's Handbook (copyright Wizards of the Coast, yadda-yadda).
Ah... they are playing Dungeons and Dragons... what an odd way to spar. But then... spars seem to go this way around here, don't they? No more good old fashioned fist- and energy-fights. We'll fast-forward past the character creation then. And with that our scene speeds up by a factor of x16 for about a minute. Then it slows suddenly back into a normal frame-rate. The sheets are filled, the players are ready, the dice are ready, the snacks are ready, and the DM screen stands waiting. Wait, where's the DM? Koola and Mai look over expectantly.
Oh... they want ME to DM. Okay, I guess I can, being impartial to the spar and whatnot. Fine.. what do we have? A rogue and a Fighter? Good, maybe you can survive the gladiatorial arena then, seeing as how you wont spar in real life, we'll make you battle to the death in an RPG. "Hey, Wait! I want to play!" Oh dear god in heaven, it's that bald guy. I'm sorry but the spar is for two only. Kuririn looks petulant. "But I want to play! I need some PL too!" I said no. Go spar with your tiger or something Calvin.
"My name is Kuririn! And that's Tony the Tiger! Not Hobbes!" He's turning red now, very angry... Oh dear. Dontch'a just love how I can say anything anywhere? This is a cool writing style... like... All-person Omnipotent or something. "Hey! Stop taking over my paragraphs!" Why? I'm the writer, I can do whatever I want. Maybe I'll even talk in bold when I want to say something. Like This. That look good to you? "Can we play already?" Koola asks. "Yea, this gladiator thing looks cool, I wanna become rich and famous!" Mai states, enthuisiastically. Oh my, but is that a nice bust line... "Hey!" Sorry.
Alright then, lets get started. Koola, you are sent into the arena against three peasant slaves, probably Christian or something like that. They ran out of lions. "Alright, I want to draw my rapier and shortsword and charge at them." Koola picks up his dice and rolls. A successful d20 roll and he hits, damage is dealt and recorded. "I wanna play!" Kuririn shouts, now throwing a tantrum. "You guys never let me play! in any reindeer games. (snicker)" Kuririn pauses for a brief second, trying to figure out what just happened. "THAT'S IT!!" And with that he uses his Tsuibi Kikou Ha (wtf? no English names for this crap? no offense but meaningless Japanese syllables are... meaningless.. to me) and.. where was I? Oh, yea.. the Tsuibi thingy, the energy blasts flies at the narrator (me) and stops in midair, moving nowhere, as I am incorporeal and relatively non-existent at that level. Another attack and Kuririn's Kienzan slices through the card table with its character sheets, dice, and assorted stuff. Quick acting on the part of the narrator saves the books, but an unlucky d20 gets sliced neatly in half (ok, so I nudged it a bit to make the slice perfectly even, it still renders the die useless).
Koola and Mai jump back from the tables, knocking their chairs back. Koola unleashes blasts from fingertip and eye (ever heard of using your palms, big-guy?) causing Kuririn to dodge, also making Mai's attempt at.. umm.. whatsit... Hai Syu Ken? yea.. that thing... it misses too. Some brief flurries of attacks, a few more weirdly-named moves (one of which leaves Mai temporarily stunned... bad gas I guess) and the narrator has to retreat safely back with the books to avoid debris. The Tsuibi thingy follows, but doesn't get close to any of the books. Shoo. Go away. Stop following me. All three battlers end up in the air flying around and still attacking. Koola and Mai have teamed up against Kuririn... but he's so much more powerful than Mai that she really shouldn't have any effect on the fight. Now, Koola is closer to Kuririn in power, and has a neater assortment of moves... but in the whole of Dragonball and such... what really mattered? The writers, right. Weaker people managed to pull something out of their asses to win, but it always depended on... well.. the good-guys were the ones who won, weak or strong. But how am I to pick a protagonist and antagonist? Should I be fair? Flip a coin? Let power win out? Coin! Flip a coin! And make this energy blast bugger off!! The narrator makes more mental shooing motions. What? now I'm talking about myself in third person? Agh! Where's my half-dollar? ...
Five minutes later.
Damn, I'll have to use a quarter. Heads, Kuririn wins. Tails, the other two win. ... Sorry Kuririn, Tails it is. And so it is that Mai and Koola manage to overpower Kuririn and win the battle. The spar is forgotten and totally ignored, the books are put away and everyone goes about their own business. The end. Didja like it?
Notes:
Kuririn lost one Sneak Battle. PL raised by 415.
Koola won one Sneak Battle, with help from Mai Shiranui. PL raised by 4,105.
Mai Shiranui won one Sneak Battle, with help from Koola. PL raised by 1,050.
15) Cell vs. Brolli: Spar
In a not-so-subtle attempt to placate Mr. Baythan, the following will be a bloody and ferocious battle of explosive proportions. Or something like that.
It all starts one Sunday morning, just as the birds were waking up. Of course, there aren't any birds on Roshi's island. Just a bunch of turtle shells, though no one knows where the turtles went. Maybe the Shredder's on the loose again. Anyway, as I was saying, it starts one Sunday morning as the sun rises over the horizon, sending the darkness away. Cell rolls out of bed, once again finding himself cold and alone. Having two hot henchwomen is excellent, but the fact that they don't want to share a room with him makes Cell a sad clown. Anyway anyway, about the same time Brolli finds himself waking up on the beach in a pool of his own vomit. He spent the previous night partying with two rather attractive redheads. He's not normally attracted to Human women, but they were a nice exception. As he slowly gets to his feet, he kicks a near-empty bottle of rum into the ocean.
A few minutes pass and the two villains meet up in the kitchen for breakfast. However, since Buruma and Lunch no longer visit the Kame House, there's no one to cook for the two men. Therefore, they settle on a bowl of Lucky Charms. They're magically delicious. Sitting on opposite sides of the table, they both dig into their marshmellowy goodness without so much as a word. They continue to eat in silence for a few minutes before Brolli speaks up.
"So, Cell. Have you met Roshi's new girls?" he asks. "Hmm? Wrat do rew mean?" Cell replies with a mouthfull of cereal. "The two redheads. Uh, Kari and Willow, I think. Man those girls know how to party." Brolli chews on another spoonfull of cereal. Cell swallows what's in his mouth and it takes a few moments for that last part to kick in. Brolli hears a soft tink sound as a spoon hits a bowl. "What did you just say?" Cell asks, squinting his eyes slightly. "I said Roshi's got a couple of wild girls on the island now. You should really check them out. I think they might even be le..."
A short chain of energy blasts to the face and torso cuts Brolli off, destroys the kitchen, and sends the Saiya-jin through the body and bouncing across the beach. "What the fuck?!?" Brolli yells, climbing to his feet after he comes to a halt. "How dare you!" Cell shouts back. "What? Oooo, shit. Those two aren't Roshi's bitches, are they? They're your..." Cell shouts "Kamehameha!" and cuts the Saiya-jin off once more, attempting to blast him into oblivion. However, Brolli quickly blurs out of the path of the blast. Attempting to follow his movements, Cell finds himself tracking two different Brolli's. "Shit!" Cell yelps, choosing the wrong one. Brolli appears behind Cell and releases a blast of ki into his back.
Cell flies forward, slamming through a couple of palm trees before catching himself in mid-flight. He spins around to find Brolli zooming towards him, blurred yet again. "Fucking cheater," Cell states just before a left fist slams into his face, forcing a small amount of bluish-purple fluid to fly from Cell's mouth and hit the sand. Brolli continues the assault, slamming his right fist into Cell's gut. The artificial humanoid folds in around Brolli's fist, spitting up some more blood as he sharply exhales all the oxygen in his lungs. The Saiya-jin begins chuckling as Cell stumbles backwards, attempting to regain his breath.
After a few moments, Cell growls softly, blood still dripping from his lip. Catching Brolli off-guard, he suddenly launches more energy blasts from his fingertip. Brolli's head snaps to the side as the blasts clip him just above an eye, knocking him off his feet. "Take that, asshole," Cell states. "And try this one on for size!" Cell jumps into the air and begins the Kamehameha chant, releasing the blast with a loud "HA!". Visibly bleeding from his eye wound and lying on his back in the sand, Brolli turns his head just in time see the oncoming blast, managing to roll out of ground zero before impact. The ground explodes right next to him, sending the Saiya-jin reeling. He slams through another wall of the Kame House, landing in the living room.
Angrier still, Cell falls back to the beach and struts through the hole in the wall. He fails to notice a hover-taxi landing behind him a short distance away. Cell stomps over to Brolli, who's lying on the floor in a heap and punches him in the face, breaking the Saiya-jin's nose. Brolli responds by headbutting Cell, knocking him backwards long enough for Brolli to get to his feet. They begin to trade blows, painting the walls with an assortment of reds and bluish-purples as the door flies open. Both barely able to stand, they turn their attention to the new arrival to find Roshi standing in the doorway. Needless to say, he ain't a happy camper. After spending a week in a mental asylum and coming home to find his house in shambles, he vents his frustration on the two weakened warriors, quickly knocking both of them out will little effort.
Notes:
Cell tied one Spar. PL raised by 2,794.
Brolli tied one Spar. PL raised by 2,830.
14) Majin Buu vs. Jessica Alba vs. Tenshinhan vs. Shakira: FFA
Spar
"Do we have to do this?" complained Tien as he and Shakira crossed the threshold into the Mall. "Yes," replied Shakira. "You know perfectly well that Jessica is my girl. And I promised her that we'd go shopping with her and her new friend. So you can stop being a whiny little Gohan and just sack up and try to enjoy yourself a bit while we're here. You'll like Jessica." Tien had no doubt that he'd like Jessica. He liked all of Shakira's friends. The problem he DID have was with this 'friend' he had been hearing about. Everything he'd heard about the guy reminded him eerily of somebody he had no intention of hanging out with ever again. But maybe he was wrong. Maybe there was another person out there with pink skin, and black eyes with red irises... Weirder things have happened. But his unfortunate musings were interrupted.
"Hey girl! What you been up to Shakira?" **Jiggle Jiggle** "Oh, not much. You know how it goes. This is Tien. So where is this guy you were telling me about? The way you were talking, he'd be an interesting fellow to meet." Explaining the situation, Jessica replied, "I got the idea he didn't want to come so I left him at home. He doesn't really ever say anything, so it's almost always a game of Charades. But that makes things even more interesting. But that doesn't mean we can't do some killer shopping!" **Jiggle Jiggle**
Wiping the drool that was accumulating on the side of his face, Tien managed to eventually compose himself enough to gather from the conversation that the girls were going to get some new swim suits. But since Jessica didn't really have any money, she would mainly be along for the morale 'support.' At least, that's the way Tien envisioned the apostrophes being placed. **Jiggle Jiggle**
So on to Bikini Mart the three went. And upon arriving, there was a bit of a commotion. And after asking people what exactly was going on, nobody really could answer the question other than it seemed that the place was almost totally out of one particular bra size, 36C to be exact. "Damn it! That's my size!" shouted Shakira. "Well let's go in anyway. Maybe they have a couple left." Agreeing with the logic of a fellow professional shopper, Shakira obliged, Tien in tow.
After a bit of looking, Shakira comes across a nice pink one-piece bikini. "This one looks great! And it's even my size. I HAVE to try this on." And without another word she ran straight to the dressing rooms, kicked some random girl out wearing only her smile (much to the horror of everybody else because this woman seemed a close relative to Rosanne). But after about 45 seconds, Shakira comes out of the dressing room wearing her new Bikini, immediately getting Tien's attention away from Jessica. **Jiggle Jiggle** "How do I look."
"That is the breast... I mean best outfit I've ever seen you wear," responds Tien dumbfounded. "Hell yes!" responds Shakira. "But I've only got one concern. This is a really trendy place. And I've never heard of this brand before." She looks at the tag. "Jessica, have you ever heard of 'Buu-kini' brand bikinis?"
Now at this point, many things happen all at once. Firstly, a look of shock crosses Jessica's face and is immediately followed by uncontrollable laughter. Secondly, realization of the current situation hits Tien and fills him immediately with anger. Thirdly, a black eye with red iris appears on each of the upper pieces of cloth while a tongue waggles below the third piece of cloth, and everybody notices that the 'cloth' has a more plastic sheen to it. And finally, seeing her Buu-kini in the mirror, Shakira is horrified and screams, "Get it off! Get it off!"
Normally, if Shakira were screaming this in reference to her clothes, Tien would be the happiest man alive. But since this situation was a little more severe, Tien jumps into action, all the while, Jessica remains on the floor immobilized with laughter. And at some point, even Tien realizes the irony of this situation. Ever since finding her, he's been trying to get Shakira's clothes off, and this is the first time he's had her permission to actually do so. And with this ironic thought in mind, it only pisses him off even more as he shoots a random energy blast at Jessica just to shut up her incessant laughing, succeeding in knocking her out.
This of course made things even more serious. Buu, in the form of Shakira's bikini flings himself off the woman, and due to momentum throws Shakira across the room, underneath a rack of swimsuits (sorry guys, no actual nudity here. There were censor bars all the way up until she got buried by the massive rack of swimsuits), knocking her out in the process. "I KNEW it was you!" shouts Tien at the pink freak. "Everything Shakira was telling me about you made me think it was you! I don't know how long it's been but I've got one question for you before I kick the pink off your ass. Why didn't you call?" And it's at this point, Buu glares slightly at Tien with an unsaid message. "Oh, that's right. You don't talk. Damn, I forgot about that. But I STILL had to go to that Star Trek convention all by myself. And, I might add, I was counting on you to be my costume. We would have been the coolest Tribble anybody had ever seen! But no, you just had to leave me hanging. And now, you molest the woman I'm trying to mack on. So now, it's ON!"
At this point, the two fighters get in their stances when that Rosanne look-alike turns on a stereo. Tien and Buu then have the mother of all dance-offs, with Buu eventually serving Tien something awful. The doctors later reveal that he was served most severely in the shoulder and the pelvic region. But with a little rest, he'll be fine.
Notes:
Majin Buu defeated Tenshinhan and Shakira. PL raised by 2,933.
Jessica Alba was defeated by Tenshinhan. PL raised by 461.
Tenshinhan defeated Jessica Alba, but was defeated by Majin Buu. PL raised by 1,371.
Shakira was defeated by Majin Buu. PL raised by 541.
13) Kari Byron vs. Willow Hannigan: Spar
Imagine if you can a large, empty room without a single source of light. Pitch black. Now, conjure up a few hundred people all bouncing in the darkness to an inaudible rythmic beat. Shadows moving in the night. The dream continues as several multicolored spotlights suddenly flicker on and off, illuminating the grinding mass in a spectrum of light. As the mirage continues to build a pulsing bass surges with growing intensity, climaxing with a loud electronic hum that seems to shake the very air.
Lost somewhere in the crowd Willow loses herself to the tantric diapason, bouncing in the melodic temporality, bathing in the communal grind. Nearby, our other heroine Kari has found herself an semi-attractive, muscular black-haired fellow to buy the two of them a few drinks. Herself and her new partner-in-crime Willow, that is. Like most women, she was more than willing to lead the poor chap on in order to acquire free booze. And like most men, he was willing to do just that for even the slightest possibility of getting some action. After getting said drinks, the two of them slowly wind their way through the crowd back to Willow and the party continues.
Several hours later, the two girls stumble through the door of the Kame House as their new "friend" pays the cab driver. He stumbles through the doorway himself afterwards to find the two girls lying in seperate couches resting an arm over their foreheads. "I take it the party's over then?" the guy states, suddenly rather bummed. Kari looks to Willow, who smiles slightly. "Well, that depends," Kari then replies with a slight smirk. "On?" he asks. "Wanna play a game?" Willow asks coyly. "Like what? Strip poker?" he replies. Kari suddenly explodes with a single laugh, the alcohol overriding her control for a moment. Willow chuckles a little under her breath and gets off the couch. "Nah, I was thinking a little more, well, competitive," she states as she walks over to Kari and helps her to her feet.
"So, let me get this straight. All I have to do is play judge and...?" he states after Willow explains the game. "Yeah," Willow replies, kicking some sand into the air for no apparent reason. They had made their way back out onto the beach as she explained the game to him. It was really rather simple. The two girls would compete in a myriad of challenges and he'd play judge. He didn't exactly know what the "winner" would get, but he had his *hopes* up, if you catch my drift. Anyway, the contest begins rather slowly, but after Willow breaks into Roshi's stash of rum, things quickly get rowdy. If you're a living, breathing male who finds either of these two women attractive, imagine what you will. I'd describe it for you, but a mental image is worth more than a thousand words. In the end, the three of them get so wasted that no one remembers what exactly they were originally doing and Mr. judge just ends up calling it a tie. He's gonna wake up with one hell of a hangover, but some wonderful memories, with any luck.
Notes:
Kari Byron ties one Spar. PL raised by 154.
Willow Hannigan ties one Spar. PL raised by 260.
12) Mirai Trunks vs. Adolf W. Bush: Boss Battle
Trunks was creeping slowly through the underbrush near Dr. Gero's Lab, keeping an eye on the evil dictator. "Man I must be STUPID!" piped an annoying little voice in his head that the rest of us would immediately identify as "reason". But with a slight shake of the head, he decided once again to ignore it. He was going to fight the almighty 'Dubya' and win...or die trying. (No, this isn't foreshadowing at ALL...) But on that same token, Trunks isn't COMPLETELY moronic, so he was hoping to try to use some strategy in order to at least increase his chances; you know, like from absolutely nothing to maybe one in a billion. But hey, it could happen, right?
But there was Trunks, continually tracking our intrepid dictator, just waiting for his opportunity to strike. So far, he had accounted for all of Dubya's bodyguards. They were, in fact, all inside the lab drinking themselves senseless. Playing bodyguard for an evil dictator is hard work. So all he had to worry about was the man, himself. However, after tracking him for several miles, he'd become quite confused over the situation. "Why the hell does he just keep walking around like that, sniffing the flowers, and just randomly walking to and fro? It's just odd." But once again, paying no attention to that little voice in his head, he decided that now was the time to attack, while Dubya was holding a skunk up to his nose, saying "Boy, these flowers don't smell as good as they used to."
So our soon-to-be-decrepit hero dashes in madly, hoping to 'blow his load' in typical DBZ underdog fashion, by using a quick Zanzouken to get in close and releases the mother of all Masenko's on the unsuspecting dictator. And also, in typical DBZ fashion after the smoke clears, there is the man, still standing there, holding what appears to be a charred varmint of some kind that smells something akin to toasted horse manure. But feeling some itching sensation, Dubya turns around to notice Trunks. Immediately our Saiya-jin friend comes to grips with the futility of his actions, and screams in horror at the massive amount of power he feels in the man standing in front of him. "Well, hello there. My that's some nice purple hair you got there. Would you like to smell my flower here? No, well that's ok, because it doesn't seem to smell that good anymore. I once ate a flower. But they smell a lot better than they taste. There's a lot of bees about a mile from here. Bee stings hurt a lot. But not as much as spider bites though. I once killed a spider. And that was pretty fun, until I realized it was actually my pet gopher. They look too much alike if you ask me. Do you like rice?"
Yes, that was a nice little tirade from our evil dictator. And this is where you cue a look from Trunks akin to what you might find crossing his face if he had just met the Ginyu force... only 100 times more confused. But Bush just continues, "No. Well I like rice. And cheese. Did you know that cheese makes my poo hard? I once peed in a pool. Hey, will you look at that kitty over there."
Watching in shock as Dubya continues to talk to himself as he goes to pet the "kitty" which Trunks recognizes as a Grizzly bear, our lucky hero begins to thank his lucky stars that he survived the battle... *BANG* ...
Flipping through the channels, Roshi begins to notice a pattern to current programming. They're all the same, so he pays attention. "In other news, the vice-Dictator, Richard Himmler was involved in a hunting accident yesterday. Apparently, he, the dictator, and some random guy with purple hair who we have yet to identify were all ouy hunting when there was a freak accident which ended in the fatal shooting of the mystery purple-haired man. And since all the paperwork was in order, and Mr. Himmler has the proper documentation for the sawed-off shotgun, the fatal shooting was ruled a complete accident and no charges were filed. Never mind the fact that there's nothing left of the guy's head EXCEPT 4 or 5 purple hairs, but it was all a simple misunderstanding and there was nothing to see here. Go about your day as normal. And don't forget to vote for fearless leader."
Roshi then turns off the TV, sets down the remote, and heads to the bathroom, hentai magazine in his left hand, slowly chanting "I will vote for fearless leader."
Notes:
Trunks lost one Boss Battle. PL raised by 315. He was sent to the Next Dimension.
Adolf W. Bush did nothing and got nothing. PL revealed to be >20,000.
Richard Himmler won one Boss Battle. PL raised by 2,102. He received a Sawed-off
Shotgun.
11) Brolli vs. NPI Muten-Roshi: NPI Spar
"Okay, let's take it again from the top," the man says to Roshi. The Turtle Hermit sighs loudly and braces his arms on the table with his elbows, resting his head in his hands. "I'm tell you, officer. You've got the wrong man!" he states for the twentieth time or so. "We'll see," the detective states, his ever-expanding waistline making itself visible as he leans back in his chair. "From the top, if you would. And don't skip any details this time."
"It began two days ago," Roshi begins, "when this guy named Brolli came to me to learn my super-special Turtle Destruction Wave attack. Having already taught him another of my special abilities without incident, I figured 'What the hell? He might be an evil fuck, but he's behaving himself.' I should have known better." The officer jots down a note and looks at Roshi. "And you say this Brolli guy is the one to blame here?" Roshi nods. "Yeah, like I've told you a hundred times!" The officer makes a few more marks on his clipboard. "Okay, continue."
"Alright, and as we started, everything was kosher. He insulted me a little more than I would have liked, but after I applied some of my "special" training in my "special" room, that stopped pretty quick." The detective sits forward in his seat and glares at the old man. "So how did she end up...?" he asks Roshi. "I'm getting there, just settle down. As I was saying, everything started out fine, but then it all went to hell. As it turns out, I have a couple of pretty attractive young women running around my island now. And I admit that I have a weakness for pretty girls. Thus, in my infinite wisdom, I required a payment of sorts from Brolli..." The detective cocks an eyebrow. "You're a sick man, Mr. Roshi. Forcing your student to capture a girl so you..." Roshi slams his hands on the table as he jumps to his feet, startling the guard positioned at the door. "I did nothing of the sort! All I wanted was some pictures of those girls! He's the one that should be here answering your questions, not me!"
After settling Roshi down and getting him back in his chair, the detective continues the interrogation. "Well, for the record, we did search the premises. Excluding yourself, there was only four people on the island. The two women you spoke of, a pink child of unknown race, and a green guy who kinda looked like a bug. Which of these two is this Brolli character?" Roshi shakes his head wildly. "No no no! Neither of them is Brolli! Brolli's the only Saiya-jin within a hundred miles!" he replies. "Saiya-jin?" the cop inquires. "The black-haired alien guy!"
"Uh huh," the detective replies with disbelief, nodding slightly while rolling his eyes. He takes another note, then tells the guard to "let them in". The guard opens the door and three men in white labcoats enter wielding a straight-jacket. "Mr. Roshi, then gentlemen will take care of you from this point on." As the three men struggle to get Roshi in the jacket, Brolli comes strolling into the room, walking over to the detective. "Ah, Mr. Jones," the cop says, shaking Brolli's hand. "I'd like to thank you for taking the time to report this incident. This man is one sick puppy and the world is a safer place now that he's off the streets." Brolli nods. "Just doing my part to help." Brolli watches Roshi get dragged out of the room screaming in anger and can't help but smile. "That'll teach the old fuck," he says to himself. Just what did Brolli do? The world man never know.
Notes:
Brolli won one NPI Spar. PL raised by 3,559.
10) Majin Buu vs. Jessica Alba vs. Cell vs. Kari Byron: FFA Spar
It was just another stifling day on the beach on Roshi's island. Miss Alba was working on her tan, Kari was off fiddling around with a bunch of Diet Coke and Mentos, Cell was digging in the sand hoping to find another henchwoman (and building a pretty nice sand castle in the process), and Buu was doing his usual random assortment of evil things. Everybody jumps when they suddenly hear "PSHHHHHHHHHHH" coming from Kari's general direction, and as each turns to check out the commotion, they are bombarded with a faceful of Diet Coke from Kari's latest scientific inquisition. "Sorry!" yells Kari, as her three islandic companions only make things worse by rolling around in the sand in agony. But even Kari has been affected by the multitude of Diet Coke fountains.
Confronting Kari, Jessica asks, "So how the hell am I going to get all this sand out of my va..." when Cell immediately jumps in, "Let's not finish that sentence, Jessica. We all know how much you treasure your antique vase. But you can keep flowers in it, no matter how much sand is in there. You just have to add a little water and it will be fine. But I DO agree with you that we're all pretty covered with sand. There's got to be a good way to clean ourselves up." And not missing a beat, Kari solves the problem. "Well, all you need is a little bit of water to clean off the sand. And since water is the universal solvent, it will also help to get rid of the sticky Diet Coke covering all our bodies. So all we need to do is have ourselves a workout, and our sweat will wash off all the sand and Diet Coke in no time at all! So all we have to do is figure out a good way to make us sweat and we can even have some fun in the process. So does anybody have any ideas?"
Cell immediately looks at Buu's face light up in eager anticipation, and even though he knows Buu's idea, he wrongly translates, "I think Buu wants to play volleyball." This has multiple effects. Kari and Jessica, both loving the idea both begin stripping down to their swim suits, while Buu, taking no notice of the de-clothing of the women gets angry and starts pounding his chest and yelling incoherently in a rage. Not noticing Buu's rage, Kari states, "We need a volleyball though. Our last one bit the dust when it hit Brolli's spiky hair." Already having thought of this, Cell looks towards Buu's display of anger and once again states, "It looks like Buu is volunteering his services on that front," at which point a look of surprise crosses Buu's face as his tirade immediately stops. "You girls go over there and it can be me against you two. That way at least the teams are fair," states Cell, making his way to Buu.
After about 5 minutes of arguing, and a few exchanged energy blasts, Cell finally gets to his side of the court, VolleyBuu in hand. "I get to serve since I'm alone." And with that Cell begins the match only to see the ball go soaring towards the opposite side and stops just above the net the drop straight to the ground... on his side. Kari only smiles at him as she waves her left hand at him and directs a Mai Tai into the hands of Jessica, who then takes a sip. "Hey," shouts Cell, "that's not fair! No powers!" But Kari only laughs. "You never said that in the beginning!" And with that she simply wills the ball to the other side of the net. But realizing what's going on this time, Cell flies straight towards the ball, striking it straight down before it even crosses the net. But not missing a beat (and having just downed her Mai Tai) Jessica punches her arm, which goes through a portal, to where it hits the ball up, then punches through another portal, which smashes the VolleyBuu back down on Cell's side of the court, scoring another point for the two henchwomen. Grumbling, Cell goes to pick up the ball. "Buu, I'm going to need your help. So you have to try to help me." Barely coherent from being battered around, Buu dizzily nods just before Cell throws the pink ball of evil back across the net to Kari who promptly serves once again with her mind. But once again, Cell charges, hitting Buu straight down, but just as Jessica tries to do her portal thing again, Buu changes direction to hit the ground. "What the hell was that?" screams an enraged Jessica. And as Buu floats himself to the other court, he turns around just long enough to tauntingly stick his tongue out at the scantily clad vixens. "You're the ones who said we could use our powers. So Buu's just using HIS powers," retorts Cell.
This continues for awhile, as Cell scores another 9 unanswered points to make it 10-2, by which point, Kari and Jessica mount a comeback as a severely beaten Buu begins to feel the affects of being beaten like...well, a volleyball. But eventually the score comes to be tied at 10 all. "Duce!" shouts Cell. But Buu, doing the only thing he can to hold on to life writes in the sand "No duce... First to 11 wins." To which everybody agrees, seeing Buu's beautiful watermelon color begin to change to that of a grape. But being in no hurry, Cell slowly walks Buu over to Kari and Jessica's court, discussing strategy. The plan is that when Jessica serves, Kari has been using her powers to cause Buu to land on Cell's side no matter where Cell tries to go. And even though Buu has been trying, he's not been able to counteract the effects. So Cell has decided to hit Kari with a small energy blast to distract her long enough for Buu to fly just long enough for Cell to spike the ball straight down, thus winning the match. And everything pretty much goes according to plan. Jessica serves, Kari uses her psychokenisis, Cell blasts Kari, and Buu hovers just on Cell's side of the net. But just as Cell is about to take the winning shot, he sees directly in front of him a portal forming. Expecting a fist to be coming out of the portal to spike the ball, Cell puts his face between the ball and portal to take the beating himself since he's in no danger from Jessica's fists. But as he puts his face next to the portal all he sees are two massive breasts in a Bikini being jiggled by the likes of Jessica. And when Cell's jaw drops, Buu is confronted with the same image and his draw also drops, but his drops all the way to the ground. "We win!" shouts Kari to the annoyance of Cell. And while Kari and Jessica celebrate the rest of their day with Mentos and Diet Coke, Cell and Buu spend the rest of THEIR day arguing and fighting with each other until they both pass out from exhaustion. So while Buu and Cell are off fighting for the rest of the day, I leave you with THIS thought... Jessica Alba and Kari Byron, on the beach wearing bikinis jumping up in down for joy, having just won a beach VolleyBuu game... (contented sigh)
Notes:
Majin Buu tied Cell, but lost to Jessica and Kari. PL raised by 2,405.
Jessica Alba defeated Majin Buu and Cell with help from Kari Byron. PL raised by 2,050.
Cell tied Majin Buu, but lost to Jessica and Kari. PL raised by 1,755.
Kari Byron defeated Majin Buu and Cell with help from Jessica Alba. PL raised by 1,026.
9) Tenshinhan vs. Shakira: Spar
"So, what's the plan for today?" Shakira asks Tenshinhan, "cause I'm bored out of my gourd." Yawning broadly, the three-eyed man shrugs slighly. "Hell if I know. Halo?" Shakira shakes her head. "See a movie? I hear Bourne #17 is better than 16." Rejected again. "Food? I could eat." Rejected yet again. "Warhammer?" Rejected. "Magic?" Rejected. "Settlers?" Rejected. I think we're seeing a pattern here.
Some time later, exausted of random nerdy ideas to kill time with, Tien and Shakira settle on simply training. They are supposed to be warriors, after all. What good do all those muscles do if they simply wither away due to neglect? So yeah, they head outside and start trading punches and kicks and what-not. Due to the fact that Tien is nearly 10 times as strong as she is, Shakira quickly gets tired of the cuts and bruises and decides that a different course of action is required. Namely, something other than training. Cause training sucks right now. And so does my battle writing skills. Just read that Brolli fight above. It's horrendous.
Anyway, Shakira manages to pursuade Tien away from the battlefield and back into the house. From their they go on a nerd-fest of unequaled parallel, moving from one of the listed things in the first paragraph to the next in no particular order. Just for the hell of it, they decide to keep track of who "wins" what and the person who "won" the most is declared the better of the two for today. Considering she's a girl and Tien's the ladiest man that he is, the wise-one throws most of the "matches" and ends up losing like a true man. Odds are he gets a little attention tonight, if you know what I mean.
Notes:
Tenshinhan lost one Spar. PL raised by 50.
Shakira won one Spar. PL raised by 1,260.
8) Majin Buu, Brolli, and Jessica Alba vs. Cell: Spar
'I accept your challenge and tonight, I drink to your bones.' Cell yawns broadly and flips the channel. Try as he might, the old, fat, hairy guy just didn't intimidate him. "God I wish I was around during Troy. I could've shown them a thing or twenty-three. 'Jack is dead my friend. You can call me, Joker. And, as you can see, I'm a lot happier.' Cell chuckles a bit and flips the station again. "Crazy SOB. Damn I'm getting thirsty," he says to himself. 'And then through the miracle of computer-generated digital technology, Minnie reached into the television set and signed the contract. But when she tried to pull the contract out, the expensive animated characters were instantly converted into even more expensive motion picture stars." Cell tosses the remote into the air with a short 'woohoo'. "Rocky and Bullwinkle are gods," he states. "Now I just need me a nice cool one and everything would be perfect."
A few moments later the island's newest arrival appears through the doorway. Former television and movie star-turned Ki-empowered henchwoman Jessica Alba struts through the main room towards the kitchen, passing behind the couch where Cell lies. She's spent most of the day tanning on the beach and felt a little parched. Lucky for her, Roshi stocks a lot of bottled water. "Hey Buu's bitch, grab me a beer while you're in there," Cell shouts as she passes. She immediately freezes in her tracks and turns to the odd, insect-like man. "Excuse me?" she states with a touch of hatred. "You heard me, woman. Beer. Now." Obviously getting rather angry, Ms. Alba starts to huff lightly, barely holding back from beating the crap out of the guy. "Hey, and you know what, you can give me lap dance after that. You still got that getup you wore in Sin City?"
After storming out of the Kame House and back out onto the sunny beach, Jessica hastefully searches the immediate area for her 'boss'. "BUU!" she shouts, still fuming. On the other side of the island, Buu and Brolli sit in the sand, playing a game of Munchkin. Hearing Alba's wail of anger, Buu cringes slightly. "Dude, what the hell were you thinking? An actress for a henchman? I mean, come on. Even Kakarotto wouldn't go there," Brolli states, laughing a bit afterwards. Buu just glares at him, then throws down a low level monster and gains the last level he needed to win the game. "What the?" Brolli shouts, to which Buu replies by pointing a finger at him and laughing manically.
A loud Ki explosion draws Jessica to the other side of the island where she finds Brolli and a charred, but otherwise fine Buu. "Ahem, didn't you hear me call?" she asks, impatiently tapping a foot. Growling softly, Buu turns his glare from Brolli to his henchwoman. "If I'm going to continue working for you, I'm going to require you to respond when I have an emergency," she states. Brolli chuckles at this. "What emergency? Did you run out of mai tais and suntan lotion?" he supplies for Buu, who seems to prefer to remain mute. "As if. Mr. green jeans inside just insulted me and where were you? Out here playing card games." Brolli looks to Buu, then back to her. "So?" he states, suddenly wondering why he's playing the role of mediator. "So what are you going to do about it?" she concludes. "I'm going to do nothing about it," the Saiya-jin replies, "And Buu here ain't up to the task. I think you'd have more luck calling Roshi." Brolli laughs out loud.
"I'll tell you what, boys. If you go kick that guy's ass, I'll owe you one," she states, attempting to regain control of the scene. "Owe me one what?" Brolli says, raising an eyebrow. "We'll figure that out later," she replies. "Just go kick his ass and we'll talk later." Brolli looks at Buu and shrugs. "I could use a good work out," he states. "What'd ya say, Pinky?" While the idea of simply beating up Brolli here and now in a lame attempt at getting revenge for his loss last week interests him greatly, getting Cell back for the whole shrubbery humiliation a few weeks back is a much better proposition. Buu nods slightly and stands up, following Alba back into the Kame House.
"Oh hey there toots. What took you so long? Got that beer?" Cell states as Jessica enters. She grins as Brolli and Buu enter afterwards, their arms crossed over their chests. Cell props an eyebrow as all three grin wickedly. The rest of this battle has been censored due to obscene violence and gore. No animals were injured in the writing of this battle.
Notes:
Majin Buu defeated Cell with help from Brolli and Jessica Alba. PL raised by 2,387.
Brolli defeated Cell with help from Majin Buu and Jessica Alba. PL raised by 2,960.
Jessica Alba defeated Cell with help from Majin Buu and Brolli. PL raised by 1,000.
Cell was defeated by Majin Buu, Brolli, and Jessica Alba. PL raised by 1,151.
7) Tenshinhan and Shakira vs. Kuririn vs. Koola: Spar
Tien, Shakira, Kuririn, and Koola were all sitting around after a long day’s work, enjoying a nice cup of "herbal essence" and some very bad late-night television. Bad weed, bad movies, and bad jokes often go together. The writers of MST3K would have been proud. But we join our group in the middle of the commercials.
"Man, I'm hungry," states Kuririn. "Me too," agrees Shakira. "But I don't want just anything. I want something good." "Whatever," interjects Koola. "You're just a spoiled little whore. You'll eat what Tien gives you and LIKE it!" "Shut up, Koola! She just knows what she likes! How does Mc Ghetto's sound?" responds Tien. "Too greasy," adds Shakira, wrinkling her nose." Kuririn perks up saying, "I know! We should go to Shitty Wok! They got great Shitty Chicken!" "No way, we should go to Crotch and Sirloin," states Koola. "I want me some cow."
But Shakira just keeps shaking her head at all the ideas and continues to watch the TV. Then suddenly everybody shuts up, totally intrigued by the TV as a seductive female voice takes over commentary. "Are you hungry?" ...Everybody nods... "Do you want something more than just your everyday meal?" ...Everybody nods... "Do you want to have the best meal of your life?" ...Everybody nods... "Well, then you need to come to 'The Fuchsia Food Fortress' where you can get everything you need. With our Fuchsia Burgers and our Fuchsia Fries, your every need and desire will be fulfilled. So come today and the world can be your burrito."
Now by this time, even Shakira is sitting in a puddle of what we can only assume is drool. "Now THAT'S what I want!" she shouts, grabbing the keys and tossing them to Tien. "Who's comin?" But everybody's already up out of their seats, and Koola shouts, "SHOTGUN!" which is immediately followed by Kuririn's retort of, "Man, why do I always get the back seat?" But upon getting to the car, his mood quickly improves when he realizes he gets to sit next to Tien's Henchwoman. And as Tien turns the key, starting the car, the radio comes on. "Zoo officials are baffled as to HOW exactly the penguins escaped the new exibit, but there was evidence of a struggle, and there was white fur everywhere. And after some analysis, it appears that all of the fur came from Yetis. If anybody has any information about the missing penguins, please call the police immediately."
"That's odd. So does anybody know how to get there?" comments Kuririn from the back seat. And as both Tien and Koola look at each other, it's obvious that neither has any clue. So after about 20 minutes of arguing, Shakira eventually convinces the three men to stop and get directions. Luckily for them, they were just passing a university dormitory. So the four companions enter the dorm only to be met by 4 geeky girls who immediately carry the quirky quad with them to the party on the third floor. A couple beers and cups of 'herbal essence' later, all four exit the party with extremely severe indigestion. "Man, I gotta take a humongous crap!" states Tien. And for the sake of context sensitivity, there's only one bathroom on the floor with four stalls and is a unisex bathroom. So all four enter their respective stalls.
Upon sitting down, Koola poses the question, "So you guys want to play 'Battle Shits'?" and with eager agreement, Kuririn wastes no time in taking an early lead with a 'spider chirp.' Laughing, Koola retaliates, "Man, that was weak!" only to hear Tien's 'juicy fall-out' utterly put Kuririn to shame. "Aw, man!" comments Koola. "That was gross. But not bad... Let me see if I can do better." And after a slight pause Tien and Kuririn are both put in their place by a 'splattery skid mark' from the mighty Koola. "All right, dude... You win," state both Kuririn and Tien, only to be interrupted by a bit of a groaning sound coming from the stall next to Koola where Shakira has taken up residence. And after listening to 20 seconds-worth of 'nuclear fall-out splattery beer-shits' both Kuririn and Tien are speechless. But Koola, being the evil bastard he is, simply lights a match, and tosses it over the stall into Shakira's poo-shack. This is immediately followed by a scream and a very loud BOOM, which immediately knocks out Tien's henchwoman. And after some berating and such, Tien calls a cab and sends Shakira back to 'the pad.'
"Well at least we got directions," states Koola. "Shall we? SHOTGUN!" "Damn it, Koola! I NEVER get to ride shotgun!" yells Kuririn. "You're just too slow," retorts Koola as he sits down next to Tien. "So we should be there in about half an hour, right? I think I'll just take a quick nap. 20 minutes later, Koola is awakened by a slight tapping on his shoulder. As he slowly comes to, he realizes that they're not there yet. "What the hell is going on? Why are we stopped?" Tien points out Koola's door, and following his direction, Koola sees exactly why they've stopped. Just outside his door is standing a penguin, carrying some random type of bludgeoning weapon. Behind this penguin, and surrounding the car are approximately 30 more penguins, all carrying an assortment of items. Some have cell phones, others have more bludgeoning weapons, and some are even wearing tuxes or are carrying kitchen utensils. The penguin next to Koola opens his mouth, speaking in a very heavy Italian accent. "We are the penguin mafia and we are confiscating your car. Yous will be compensated for the inconvenience unto yous. Here is 100 meat which yous may use however yous desire. Now outa the car before I have to cap you in the knee." The DBZ trio obliges as the penguin continues. "Yous will find the object of your affection due East from here. But remember, yous never saw us, and yous never heard of us. Or else yous'll find yourselves considerably lacking in the function of yous's appendages. Have a nice day."
As the trio heads East, they watch the penguins pull away in their car. "That was totally fucked up," mutters Tien. "Shakira's going to kick my ass for losing her car. And we seriously need to lay off the 'herbal essence' from now on." Agreeing, Koola and Kuririn continue walking with Tien till they come to a cliff. Spying 'The Fuchsia Food Fortress' Koola states, "so how the hell are supposed to get from way up here to way down there?" Kuririn then looks up, and above his head he sees a light bulb. "That's odd," he states, getting Tien's attention. "What's even odder is that giant 'B' you’re standing on." Being the nerd that he is, Kuririn pulls out the trusty x-box controller he always carries with him (hey, you never know when you might need these types of things) and pushes the big red B button. Then before him appears a 2-man hang glider.
"That's just great. It's only good for 2 people," comments Koola. Tien looks at the glider, then at Koola, then at the cliff that's only like a foot away then back at Koola then smiles. "You're right," Tien states as he pushes Koola off the cliff. After watching Koola fall, Tien is surprised when Koola floats back up the cliff side stating, "You dumb ass. I know Bukujitsu. I don't even NEED your stupid glider!" "Hmm. I guess you're right," replies Tien. "But that's ok. DO-DON PA!!!!!" The energy blast hits Koola directly in the chest, knocking him out, and down into the valley below where we assume he wakes up the next morning with a slight hangover. But eventually Tien and Kuririn get to 'The Fuchsia Food Fortress' and order. "We want as many Fuchsia Fries, Fuchsia Burgers, and Fuchsia Fountain Slushies as we can eat! How much will it cost?" The guy behind the counter replies, "Well, since that taxi driver came by with that really hot girl in back, we're out of food. But if you can find me some meat, we can make it into burgers and fries and slushies instantly with our contextly sensitive 'B' button in back." Laughing, Tien and Kuririn pull out their 100 meat, slap it on the counter then begin their gorging. They even make it a contest, going burger for burger, and fry for fry, and slushy for slushy until Tien finally passes out at the over exertion. Unbuttoning his top button on his pants, Kuririn states to himself, "And they said I never learned anything from Goku..."
Notes:
Tenshinhan defeated Koola, but was defeated by Kuririn. PL raised by 1,360.
Shakira was defeated by Koola. PL raised by 210.
Kuririn defeated Tenshinhan. PL raised by 1,560.
Koola defeated Shakira, but was defeated by Tenshinhan. PL raised by 522.
6) Piccolo vs. NPI Tenshinhan: NPI Spar
When we last left Piccolo, he was lying rather unconscious in a non-descript mountainous region of the planet. After recovering from the beating he received from his new mentor, the mighty Namek-jin warrior quickly resumed his training, learning the secrets behind the Kikouhou technique. He has seen Tenshinhan perform many-an-amazing feats in the past and chalks it up to his unique ability to coin new techniques at the drop of a hat. He just hopes to Kami that this ability doesn't require spending time with Chouzu. The little clown-kid creeps Piccolo out.
"Okay, Piccolo, today's training will involve a little role playing," Tien states. "I'm sorry?" Piccolo replies inquisitively. "Role playing. You know, pretending you're something you're not. Like a politician." Piccolo scratches his head and shrugs, "Okay, but why exactly am I doing this?" Tenshinhan gives him a thumbs-up and winks. Piccolo blinks a few times and waits in silence for a reply, but it never comes.
After introducing Piccolo to the concept of a d100, a character sheet, and the Fickle-Finger of Fate table, Tenshinhan begins spinning a complicated tale of deception and greed, filled with an obscene number of unique booby-traps. Hours pass and Piccolo finds himself growing more frustrated with every new scene. Dilapidated houses; monster-infested sewers; chemical labs on the brink of nuclear explosions; thank God his dice were on fire, cause they were the only thing saving his character's ass. In the end, he somehow manages to complete the module without getting his character killed off. There was a stupid incident where he lost the entire lower half of his armor due to a rocket strike, but all-in-all, he won the day. As a reward, Tien has agreed to allow Piccolo to continue learning his technique. He also lets the Namek-jin check the mail, wherein Piccolo receives a small golden ring mounted with a green gemstone that covers an uninteresting circular design. No return address is printed on the envelope, but Piccolo decides to hang on to it anyway cause it goes with his skin tone.
Notes:
Piccolo won one NPI Spar. PL raised by 1,090. He received a Green Ring.
5) Tenshinhan vs. Kuririn: Spar
Ding dong. Tenshinhan sighs and tosses his magazine on the floor of his hotel room. "Who the hell could this be?" he asks as he drags himself off the couch and towards the door. He glances through the peephole and starts, drawing his head back slightly. "What the?" he states. After fumbling with the locks, he eventually gets the door open. Before him stands a fox-man dressed in a brown uniform holding a small package. "Mr. Tenshinhan?" the fox asks. "Yeah? Who are you?" The fox hands Tien a small pinpad like device. "I need you to sign for this," he replies. Tien looks at it for a moment then refocuses back on the fox. "Uh, why?" The fox-man cocks an eyebrow. "I work for the DBG Postal System. I figured you of all people would know this. Now sign the damn thing so I can go home."
Tien shrugs slightly and signs with a large X. He hands the device to the clerk, who hands Tien the box, nods, and turns to leave. "Who's this from?" Tien asks the man as he walks off. "Don't know, don't care," he tosses back, heading down the staircase towards his delivery van. Tenshinhan heads back into his room and closes the door behind him, ignoring the retarded number of unfastened locks. He plops back onto the sofa and begins opening the box slowly and carefully. He's made a lot of enemies over his many years of public service. Raditsu, the Red Ribbon Army, Hildegarn... If any of them sent this, it could very well be a bomb. Minutes pass and the box lies gutted on the floor. Inside, Tien finds only a small gold ring mounted by a transparent dark blue gemstone, which covers an uninteresting design. "What the hell is this thing?" is all Tien could come up with as a reply.
Elsewhere, a familiar fox-man enters a McHentai and approaches the nearest clerk, a rather short, bald man with no visible nose. "Can I help you," the clerk asks. "I'm looking for a Mr. Kuririn," the fox replies. "That's me," Kuririn replies. "What can I do for you? Are you needing help finding something? We just got a new shipment of the newest Lindsay Lohan se..." The fox cuts Kuririn off by handing him the same signature pad he recently handed another bald man. "I just need you to sign for this package." Kuririn scratches his head and nods, then signs the thing and hands it back. The fox hands Kuririn a small box then heads out the door.
"Hmm, it's addressed to me, not the store. I guess it's not that Avril Lavigne DVD we've been waiting for." He tears the package open to find a small silver ring. On it sits a small, transparent orange-red gemstone with an uninteresting design buried underneath. He fiddles with it a second, then puts it on. "I think I have a secret admirer!" he proclaims, hoping it's the girl that works at the box office who always comes in on Sundays. He spends the rest of his work day dreaming about what might be.
The next day Tien strolls into McHentai, having chosen to continue his search for the perfect henchwoman at a nearby video store. Noticing that a customer has entered the building, Kuririn heads towards him. "Welcome to McHentai, sir. Can I help, ack!" Tenshinhan smiles and laughs a little. "Kuririn? You work at McHentai?!?" Tien begins to chuckle, then breaks into full blown laughter. Red with embarrassement, he pulls his uniform hat lower to cover as much of his face as possible. "Yeah, it's a job," he replies dryly. "Just what are you doing here, Tien?" Tenshinhan glances around sneakily, then haunches down next to Kuririn. "I'm looking for my future henchwoman." Kuririn pulls his hat back to its normal position and looks at Tien with shock. "At McHentai? What the hell are you thinking?" Tien smiles at this and points to some movies. "Well, I heard there was a DVD-signing session today. Who's supposed to be coming?"
Before Kuririn can continue, the doorbell dings again, signaling another customer has entered. "Welcome to McHentai," Kuririn states, turning his attention to the door. Tien does the same and both of them find themselves dumbstruck. "Hey there, boys," the Box Office Girl states as she walks between them. Kuririn spins around and studders a hello, but Tien is too distracted by her sexy walk to do more than simply drool. After a few seconds Tien snaps out of it and says, "I think I just found my perfect henchwoman." Kuririn turns to Tenshinhan and fumes. "No way! She's my future wife! She sent me this ring!" He flashes the mysterious gift to Tien, who immediately notices it similarity to the one he got just yesterday. Only his is gold. And it doesn't have a red gem. So it's not all that similar, really.
"Hate to break it to you, but I got one in the mail yesterday too. Mine was gold though, so if she really did send it, then she obviously prefers a real man," Tien states, showing Kuririn his own little trinket. They continue arguing for a long while when the Girl approaches the front again, holding a few choice DVDs. "Hate to break it to both of you, but I didn't send you anything. And I already have a guy, boys. He's BIG, green and alllll man. I don't think you two could even hold a candle to him." She tosses the DVD on the counter and waits impatiently for Kuririn to ring her up. Clearly embarrased, he says nothing until she's out the door. "Dude, what a bitch," Tien states. Kuririn nods slightly, glancing at his ring. "So who sent these to us?" he asks. "Dunno, but I think I'm gonna go back to my hotel room. Getting chastized like that sucks out your will to live." Kuririn nods once more. "The world eats shit."
Notes:
Tenshinhan tied Kuririn. PL raised by 704. He received a Dark Blue Ring.
Kuririn tied Tenshinhan. PL raised by 710. He received a Orange-Red Ring.
4) Piccolo vs. NPI Tenshinhan: NPI Spar
"I'm probably more famous for sitting on the toilet than for anything else that I do." Piccolo wasn't sure how this was going to help, but Tenshinhan assured him that is was required to continue training with him. Somehow, memorizing and reciting the quotes of some random Human would improve his mental clarity and bring about a new sense of Self. "There is no hell. There is only France." Piccolo chuckled at that one. "For the record, folks, I never took a shit on stage and the closest I ever came to eating shit anywhere was at a Holiday Inn buffet in Fayetteville, North Carolina, in 1973." Tenshinhan nodded after that one, a smile forming at the corner of his mouth. "Well done, Piccolo. Now, the most important one, if you will."
"The biggest threat to America today is not Communism. It's moving America toward a fascist theocracy, and everything that's happened during the [current] administration is steering us right down that pipe... When you have a government that prefers a certain moral code derived from a certain religion and that moral code turns into legislation to suit one certain religious point of view, and if that code happens to be very, very right wing, almost toward Attila the Hun..."
"Congratulations Piccolo, you are now worthy of standing in my presence." Piccolo glares at the Human, knowing full well he was beyond "worthy" the second he was spawned. However, he wanted to learn this man's special abilities and thus, had to stick his little green nose up his keister. "Oh joy of joys," he replies. "Can we get to work then?" Tien cockes an eyebrow. "A little impatient, aren't ya? Before I can teach you Kikouhou, I need to test your own abilities. I need to know if you can even take a punch, much less a full blown Zappa-blast." Piccolo's reply is quick and sudden: a single beam of energy from his pupils. Tenshinhan blurs out of the way milliseconds before impact, reappearing just as quick about thirty feet away.
"Satisfied?" Piccolo asks. "That was a cheap shot, Piccolo. I assure you that you won't get another chance to do that again." Tien takes a defensive pose and waves a hand, beckoning Piccolo to attack. The Namek-jin rises about an inch off the ground and zooms towards his instructor at high speed. Piccolo and Tien begin to exchange a massive flurry of blows, each taking turns attacking and blocking in classic DBZ-like fashion. Growing bored of all this, Tien finishes the exchange with a sucker punch to Piccolo's face, stunning the Namek-jin slightly. He then kicks Piccolo square under the jaw, sending him soaring up through the sky. Blurring once more, Tien appears in his flight path and slaps Piccolo hard, like he'd seen so many volleyball players do in the past. Tenshinhan's thoughts wander for a moment, recollecting the extremely tight spandex short shorts those girls wore. He begins to drool slightly when the sound of multiple energy blasts brings him out of his stupor.
Sailing towards the ground, Piccolo regains his composure and raises his palms towards the shrinking form of Tien. He focuses his Ki for a second and begins lauching several small energy blasts towards the Human, who seems to be distracted to the point of apathy. Just before impact though, he manages to avoid the majority of them and begins to charge after the Namek-jin. Piccolo spins around and flies towards the nearest cliff. He quickly lands and spins around, collecting his Ki so he can fire more small energy blasts. He fails to notice, however, that Tien has already caught up to the poor Namek-jin. With a single blow from Tenshinhan's knee, Piccolo finds himself planted against the rock wall behind him. Half a second later, Tien launches a furious barrage of punches into Piccolo's torso, quickly rendering him unconscious. As Piccolo faceplants, Tenshinhan decides he needs to find where he left Shakira's phone number. He's gotta see her in a pair of those volleyball shorts.
Notes:
Piccolo lost one NPI Spar. PL raised by 279.
3) Majin Buu vs. Cell vs. Brolli: FFA Spar
"Now I'm just going to be gone for a day or two," Roshi was telling Buu, "And I expect this place to be intact when I get home. And most importantly, I fully expect Brolli, Cell and you to take care of this stupid rat problem! These vermin have been running around my island for long enough. At first, I didn't really mind the company, but the moment they started eating my Hentai magazines, was the moment they signed their death warrants. And NO ENERGY BLASTS!!! I swear, the last time I let any of you use energy blasts, I ended up with a roofless house. And since I have no mouse traps, you'll just have to kill them all by hand." Seeing the eager glow in Buu's eyes, Roshi added, "And you keep your forelock away from Turtle. I can't afford any more therapy for him," causing Buu to glare angrily through Roshi. "Why can't I get some NORMAL people to come to my island for a change?"
So as Roshi left the island on his spinning turtle shell of terror, Buu went in search of Cell and Brolli. He managed to find some rocks, a few trees, a turtle (who he managed to avoid forelocking for the time being), and a couple crabs. Shrugging, Buu continues around the island until he hears some activity coming from inside Roshi's house. As he walks in to investigate, he sees Cell and Brolli deeply engrossed in a game of Jenga. Cell was just about to place his piece on top of the 30-block-high monstrosity when Buu unleashes an energy blast, leveling the Jenga tower, and sending Brolli into hysterical laughter.
"Damn it, Buu! Why do you have to ruin everthing!?" screams Cell. "I was going to win!"
"Too bad you lost!" responds Brolli. "Now pay up on your end of the bet!"
"That doesn’t count! Buu interfeared!"
"Whatever, man. If interference from rats is fair game, then so is Buu. I mean, he's pretty much just a really powerful rat with pink skin and sadistic tendancies. But that's why we love you," Continues Brolli as he pinches Buu's cheek.
Eventually, Buu manages to shrug off Brolli's incessant grandmotherly advances and rubs his cheek that almost reflects the hue of his radically radiating red eyes. But after managing to compose himself a bit he simply points at Brolli and Cell, then points to the horde of rats roaming around the house. "Oh," comments Cell. "I think Pinky wants us to take care of the rat problem, Brolli." Trying to correct him, Buu points at Roshi's picture on the wall, but Brolli doesn’t miss a beat and takes it to another level. "No, I think he wants us and the rats to leave so he can have some 'alone time' with Roshi." Brolli and Cell begin rolling on the floor in laughter, but Buu only becomes more enraged. After about 30 seconds of side-stitching giggling, Cell finally eyes Buu and states, "Uh oh." But at that point it was too late.
Buu jumps the two, grabbing both by the hair (well, I guess he'd grab cell by the ?helmet? since he doesn't HAVE hair) and proceeds to force their screaming faces into the massive body of rats, causing each to swallow more than one of the vermin before Buu eventually impresses upon them that Roshi wants them to help kill the rats. "JESUS, MAN!" cries Brolli. "We were just giving you crap! We knew what you were saying, we just like watching you sweat!" But Buu just looks at them both and begins laughing his OWN ass off. Then as they look at each other in response to Buu's antics, Cell and Brolli begin their own chuckle-fest. [man... these guys are some sick twisted bastards with some serious screws loose, if you know what I mean... jeez]
So once the get themselves under control, they decide to go ahead and help Roshi with is rat problem. Not because they like Roshi, but because they like the idea of killing random things. They even decide to refrain from using energy blasts. Once again, not because of any kindness to Roshi, but more because they like the idea of the blood squishing between their fingers. [Like I said... sick twisted individuals]
After about two hours of fun, mayhem, and torture, the three psychos note that only one rat remains. And for some odd reason, the little bastard is giving them some serious trouble. "What is WITH this guy?" comments Cell. "I Swear to God, I heard the little guy say 'Kienzan' before charging me. Then I noticed this cut on my neck!"
"I don’t know," replies Brolli, "but we need to kill this guy and quick. Let's corner him and just blast him. What is it Buu?"
Both Cell and Brolli follow Buu's pointing finger to see the rat run underneath the door to Roshi's bathroom. "Sweet! Well now we got him cornered. Now let's blast the hell out of him." Comments Brolli. "Buu, go open the door... And get Turtle out of the way while you're at it."
With a sadistic look on his face, Buu approaches Turtle. "Not again!" shouts Turtle as he sees Buu's forelock stretch out to grab him, only to be flung out of the house and into the ocean. But just when Buu gets to the Bathroom door, all three in the house see the light radiating from under the door. Surprised, Brolli comments, "What the hell?" only to have his question answered as the door opens to reveal the rat that had just seconds ago, run under the door. But he sure LOOKED significantly different. He was now about 5 feet tall, somewhat hunched over, and wearing a red Kimono, tied off with a black belt. Looking at his three opponents and seeing the shells on their backs the rat states in a heavy Japanese accent, "I see only three turtles when I know before I saw four. You must not be the ones after all. You cannot help me. My name is Sprinter. You killed all my brothers. Prepare to die."
Confused, the three "turtles" look at each other, but shrug and proceed to beat the living hell out of the giant rodent. No longer holding back, they make relatively quick work of him, working themselves into a bloodlust, continuing to beat the dead rat when suddenly, Buu jumps up screaming in a psychotic bloodlust. He turns his attention to Brolli, red eyes glaring with a desire brought on by eons of parental abuse (or some such thing). Scared out of his wits, he quickly uses his Zanzoken technique to get behind Buu and knocks him out with a large energy blast. Only to see a blue hue in front of him as Buu's unconscious body drops to the floor. The only thing he heard before slipping into the sweet sweet blackness of unconsciousness was "Me... HAAAAAAAA!"
"WoW..." thought Cell. "I really didn’t mean to hit HIM. But I couldn't just let Buu come at us like that. After the way he went off making us eat those rats, he'd have manhandled us in that bloodlust of his. Oh well. I guess Brolli had the same idea I did. Speaking of rats... Eating those rats is giving me some serious digestion issues." So deciding to use the bathroom, he enters Roshi's John. And to his utter horror, he barely holds back his own vomit as he stretches to reach for the handle to flush the toilet. "Well," states Cell to himself, "at least that explains the giant mutated rat." Because everybody knows that there is nothing more toxic than something that comes out of Roshi’s ass...
Notes:
Majin Buu was defeated by Brolli. PL raised by 378.
Cell defeated Brolli. PL raised by 1,892.
Brolli defeated Majin Buu, but lost to Cell. PL raised by 2,331.
2) Majin Buu vs. Cell vs. Brolli vs. Tenshinhan vs. Piccolo: FFA Spar
"The road goes ever on and on, out from the door where it began, now far ahead the road has gone, let others follow it who can!"
Enter Tenshinhan, strolling down Main Street while repeating a brief Traveling Song to himself over and over. He pulls out a short letter he received in the mail last night which directs him to a nearby bar and grill called the Prancing Pony. The letter was unsigned, which made Tenshinhan a little reluctant to take it seriously, but he had nothing else to do on this particular day, so what the hell.
Arriving at this run of the mill establishment, Tien takes note that it looks like something out of the Dark Ages. Clearly built before several building codes were implemented, the log cabin design looks like it would fall over if the wind blew with even the slightest amount of force. Regardless, he enters and heads to the bar where the barkeep greets him warmly. Tien nods slightly and pulls the letter back out, glancing over it real quick. "What can I get ya?" the short, stout, hairy man asks. "Greetings, my name is…Max Peck," Tien replies, reading the codeword from the note. "Ah, welcome Mr. Peck. I believe they're expecting you in the meeting room over there," the bartender replies, pointing to a set of wooden doors near the restroom. Tien nods and heads that way, gently pushing the doors open and passing inside. He fails to notice another person entering the bar just then.
"Well, well. What exactly does a kid like you think yer doin' in 'ere?" the bartender states as an odd little pink chap enters his bar. Majin Buu looks up and failing to see over the edge of the bar, slowly rises into the air and stares into the eyes of the chimp hiding in "safety" behind the bar. With a glare, Buu points to his chest just above his heart, where a small nametag rests; the barkeep reads it to himself. "Hello, my name is." The barkeep raises an eyebrow and scratches his head. "Yer name is what, kid? And how are you able to see over the ba…?" The barkeep pauses as he finally notices the pink guy is hovering off the floor. He takes a step back, finding himself unable to comprehend what's going on.
Buu spins around quickly when someone behind him loudly clears his throat. The green-skinned man glances at the pink guy, then at the floor. "Since you're not exactly normal, I'm assuming you got a letter too," Piccolo tells him. Buu glares back, shuffling through the many recipes he has for reptiles. "We're both Max Peck," Piccolo states plainly, directing his statement towards the barkeep. Still in shock, he slowly raises a shaking finger towards the same door he just directed a three-eyed guy to. "Thanks," Piccolo replies. He grabs Buu by the forelock and drags him after him, noting that Buu had something of a bloodlust in his glare. He was going to have to keep an eye on him.
Seconds later, Buu finds himself lying on the floor in another room, having been tossed through the doors against his will. He growls softly and stands up, brushing his butt slightly. Piccolo enters next and quickly takes note of the others already there: another green-skinned guy, Tenshinhan, and some guy who is obviously a Saiya-jin. The five beings in the room begin to exchange glances, none of them seeming to have the slightest clue as to why they are there.
Hours seem to pass before a voice suddenly breaks the uneasy silence. "Welcome everyone," it states over a surround-sound type speaker system. None of the gathering seems to recognize it. "Please, take a seat. I'm sure you're all wondering why you're all here. Simply put, it's to offer you a job. What kind of job? Good question. I haven't exactly figured out all the details yet. I'm kinda playing this by ear, but I assure you that the ends will justify the means. Your payment, that is. Anyway, if this interests you, just raise your hand." Suddenly realizing they're being watched, the five individuals in the room begin looking for the cameras. Unable to find them, they slowly begin raising their arms one by one.
"Excellent. So here's your job. Bring me...a SHRUBBERY!" Piccolo cocks an eyebrow as Tenshinhan states "You've got to be kidding me," slamming his head on the table. "Whoever brings me the best one, wins!" the voice continues. "I thought this was a job, not a contest," Cell states. "Like I said, I'm playing this by ear. Now get out of here and get searching." Brolli, Buu, Cell, Piccolo, and Tien find their chairs suddenly sinking through the floor into separate tunnels of white and blue light. After a few seconds, they slow down and slide into place within individual underground transport ships, each facing in different directions. The ships suddenly zoom off down each of their respective tunnels heading to an unknown destination.
Moments later, each ship comes to a sudden stop and they find their chairs suddenly rising back out of the ships and entering another structure of some kind. As their chairs once more lock into place, a panel of flashing lights activates and the walls in front of them suddenly become transparent. Brolli finds himself in some sort of desert cave; Buu finds himself in a cavern overflowing with lava; Cell finds himself deep in the forest; Piccolo finds himself in the depths of the ocean; Tien finds himself in plain sight, yet frozen in stone.
"In order to find an adequate shrubbery, you must be able to travel the world," the same voice dictates to each of them over a speaker inside the structure. "As such, I have allowed you access to my most valuable form of transportation: the lions of the Voltron Force!"
Okay, I gotta stop this here. It's just getting ridiculous and overly long. So yeah, in the end Cell acquires the best shrubbery and in the process somehow even manages to cut down the mightiest tree in the forest with a herring. Brolli, Buu, Piccolo, and Tien each find similar shrubberies that were quite nice; the voice liked the laurels particularly. However, they just didn't take that extra step with the herring, so they all tied for second. Oh the shame.
Notes:
Majin Buu tied Brolli, Tenshinhan, and Piccolo and lost to Cell. PL raised by 1,735.
Cell won one FFA Spar. PL raised by 4,100.
Brolli tied Majin Buu, Tenshinhan, and Piccolo, but lost to Cell. PL raised by 1,848.
Tenshinhan tied Majin Buu, Brolli, and Piccolo, but lost to Cell. PL raised by 1,760.
Piccolo tied Majin Buu, Brolli, and Tenshinhan, but lost to Cell. PL raised by 1,735.
1) Kuririn vs. Vegita: Sneak Battle
Somewhere on earth, not too far from nowhere, but not close to anywhere, and DEFINITELY far from underwear, Vegita wakes up and begins his morning routine of stretching before a nice day of relaxation. "Ah," sighs Vegita. "It certainly is a beautiful day. To train my butt off so I can finally beat that stinking Kakarot!!!!!" Oh, wait. Did I say relaxation? What I MEANT to say was a day of hardcore animalistic training practices brought about by an incessant pathologically compulsive obsession to beat up Goku. But who's really keeping track? I sure hope nobody had built a house on that hill over there. Silly Vegita.
Well on his way to teaching himself to fly, he has all but mastered the technique... *CRASH* Like I said, having not quite mastered the technique, Vegita slowly pulls himself to his feet, muttering something about how some guy named Newton should have been killed on the spot, and dusts off his freshly acquired outfit, only to ready himself for another attempt at flight. "Ok," Vegita grumbles. "Let's see here. How did that go again? 'Ho, ha-ha, guard, turn, parry, dodge, spin, ha, thrust *PWANG*'... Oh man, that Daffy Duck is sure funny. But I have to concentrate on this flying thing. Maybe if I close my eyes and try really hard, I can get it." So our ever-lovable Saiya-jin prince (God, what kind of crack did I smoke today) closes his eyes, readying himself for what he hopes is a successful experiment in anti-gravity. Harder and harder he concentrates, picturing himself being as light as a feather, lighter even. He pictures dust being blown by the wind, birds flying, planes flying, ducks flying, Daffy Duck... Heh. He almost lost it there. But eventually he can feel the power running through his body, propelling himself off the ground by about 6 feet, simply hovering. Keeping his eyes closed, hoping to keep his mind free of distractions so that he doesn’t end up face first in the dirt again, when suddenly he hears a familiar voice coming from below him.
"Hey, Vegita! Heads up!" Recognizing the voice immediately as Kuririn, and noticing immediately that the sound is coming from BELOW him, he opens his eyes, and loses his concentration, and begins to fall into the waiting fully-charged glowing hand of Kuririn, causing a monumental explosion, knocking Vegita out cold. Luckily, Kuririn is only 2 feet tall, so he had plenty of time to move before Vegita fell onto his awaiting energy ball, avoiding the brunt of the blast and the state of unconsciousness that would have accompanied it, and saving himself from once again being the Plucky comic relief. Heh... Plucky... Daffy... Get it!? Man, I'm too funny!!!
Notes:
Kuririn won one Sneak Battle. PL raised by 1,789.
Vegita lost one Sneak Battle. PL raised by 317.